This is very similar to my journey, and your words are a beautiful expression of healing. It is so difficult for me to stay committed to truly waking up and being present with my Self and all of the parts I carry. There are times when I don’t feel I have the resources to contribute to the process — for myself and others (I am a therapist) — but it is hopeful to read of your progress. I am at a crossroads right now, having been off medication for over four years. However, I am considering taking it again — simply to numb the extremes while I try to raise three kids as a single parent and work to provide for their needs. My heart wants to just allow the waves of this process, but I am not functioning well. I am worried about losing what I have and need to keep (my children and my jobs) to this constant “madness.” Meanwhile, I am doing all I can without medication – Ashtanga hot yoga, hiking, running, biking, writing songs, journaling, and praying every day. I am also participating in some incredible body work/touch therapy (the Rosen Method), and reading a lot of Carl Jung’s words to gain perspective on healing. And still, parts of me want to die every day. Thank you for sharing your journey – it is hopeful!