Tag: Bipolar Disorder

Chapter Twenty-Six: Reaching the End, and Making a Start

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A deep blue blanketing of 1AM sky envelops my car as I sit in my parents’ driveway in February 2010, pondering my next, last...

Bipolar? When Quitting is the Answer

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Whether it’s the Nurtured Heart Approach, or any other method that’s truly up to the task, we need these effective strategies and ways of thinking to be more widespread so we can lessen the pitfalls of the medical model’s limited prospective which has no idea of how to turn intense into immensely great.

Chapter Twenty-Five: “Paranoid Android”

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It is Christmas Eve of 2008. I am leaning against the kitchen counter of an old friend’s house, arms tucked tightly across my stomach,...

Chapter Twenty-Four: Off the Meds and Out of My Mind

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During my first few days on the locked psychiatric unit of the hospital on the hill in early December 2008, I counted the passing...

Chapter Twenty-Three: On the Locked Unit, Locked in Myself

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As we made our way out of Boston and to the psychiatric hospital on the hill, I watched the ‘normal’ world— the world beyond the Plexiglas rear window of the ambulance I was strapped into— drift past me into the distance.

Chapter Twenty-Two: To the Hospital on the Hill

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Bright, white light pours into my eyes, which have opened themselves slowly.  I clench them closed again, hoping to push the light out.  For...

Chapter Twenty-One: Countdown to Surrender

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COUNTDOWN- THREE DAYS It is mid-morning on Wednesday, November 26th, 2008.  I am staring at a computer screen in my cubicle, one among many at...

Chapter Twenty: Russian Roulette

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After I left my research position on the acute inpatient psychiatric unit of a Boston hospital towards the end of 2006, my life started...

Chapter Nineteen: Playing the Part

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In the months following my five-year high school reunion in the summer of 2006, I drifted about in a sea of indistinguishable days. Amidst...

Chapter Eighteen: Sentenced to Life

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A few weeks after my college graduation in the summer of 2006, my five-year high school reunion was upon me. I had expended a...

Chapter Seventeen: Commencing to Self-Destruct

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While my fellow ‘Class of 2006’ graduates celebrated with embraces and high-fives on Commencement Day, jumping excitedly into group photos with caps and gowns,...

Chapter Sixteen: Inside a House of Cards

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Dazed and confused, I was discharged from ‘The Haven’ in September of 2004 and entered an intensive outpatient day program (IOP) on the grounds...

Chapter Fifteen: A Haven from Self

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A Note to the Reader: Thorough searches of my memory reserves have failed to provide me with a complete and detailed account of my...

Chapter Fourteen: Crossing the Threshold

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Although the drive to the psychiatric hospital in White Plains, New York, in September 2004 was a mere fifteen minutes from home, the trip...

Chapter Thirteen: In the Muck and The Mire

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There I was on my first night of Outward Bound, lying under the big Texas sky in a little town called Redford, amidst waxy...

Chapter Twelve: A Gift of Desperation

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By January of my junior year in college, I had reached my first true emotional bottom. Though surrounded by people on a daily basis...

Chapter Eleven: Teetering on the Edge

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Frantic, fearful, and desperate to get my life together, I returned to Cambridge in the middle of August to move into my off-campus apartment....

Chapter Ten: A ‘Victim of Circumstance’

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Upon arriving home at the end of sophomore year in college, which had been devoted to hyper-control and a carefully maintained, entirely black-and-white existence,...

Chapter Nine: Is It Me Or My Meds?

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Subtly and insidiously, my medications, once merely inert composites of chemicals, acquired an agency of their own and took center stage in my life...

Chapter Eight: “Forget Happiness . . . I’ve Got Control”

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At no moment in my childhood-- whether in those weekday hours after school spent exploring the woods with my dog, or on the early...

Chapter Seven: Becoming Bipolar, Becoming Empowered

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A newfound acceptance of my bipolar diagnosis during the winter of my freshman year at Harvard filled me to the brim with a sense...

Chapter Six: A Disease of Dis-Ease, and New Hope for a...

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On the day I arrived as a freshman at Harvard in the fall of 2001, I dropped my belongings in my dorm room, said...

Chapter Five: Filling the Void

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When I returned to boarding school in the fall of my junior year, I brought with me not just duffel bags of clothes, athletic...

Chapter Four: Eye of the Storm

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I settled into my new life in the fall of my sophomore year at a co-ed boarding school in Western Massachusetts and was convinced...

Chapter Three: At War With A Diagnosis

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Note: In this third entry, it is still early on in my story. It is the fall of my ninth grade year, I am...