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36 COMMENTS

  1. The media saturated culture that warps our sense of reality and blurs the line between fact and fiction is one reason that I was slow to pick up on what was happening to my son. His disjointed written poetry didn’t seem much different from what I was hearing in popular music. I shrugged it off as a creative struggle. Wish I had been more resistant from the get-go of the medicalized version that came to define his struggle.

  2. One of my favorite books is the absolutely brilliant Memoirs of My Nervous Illness, by Daniel Paul Schreber. I was amazed at how good a modern quantum physicist he could have been (He was a German high court magistrate.)

    From NYRB:
    “In his madness, the world was revealed to him as an enormous architecture of nerves, dominated by a predatory God. It became clear to Schreber that his personal crisis was implicated in what he called a “crisis in God’s realm,” one that had transformed the rest of humanity into a race of fantasms. There was only one remedy; as his doctor noted: Schreber “considered himself chosen to redeem the world, and to restore to it the lost state of Blessedness. This, however, he could only do by first being transformed from a man into a woman….”
    Since…[its publication in 1903] it’s been widely regarded as the most revelatory subjective account of mental illness ever put forward…….To call this epiphanic confession a cross between Hildegard of Bingen and Philip K Dick may demarcate its territory, but it gives little idea of the universe of detail and the evangelical white heat of its sustained visionary narrative.

    Quotes
    The wonderful Schreber…ought to have been made a professor of psychiatry and director of a mental hospital.
    — Sigmund Freud

  3. “We cannot reliably distinguish the real from the fake, or the private from the public.”

    In 2005, my hand wrote it but I am not the author:

    something fake is real
    something real is fake
    can you fake the real
    can you feel the rake

    In 2007 this riddle manifest itself in reality:

    While driving on Route 22 (22 is a personal number of significance and so any time I hear or see it, it will get my full attention) I noticed some items sat against the jersey barriers. I drove past it every day until finally my curiosity needed to be gratified. I pulled over, got out of my van and walked over to find two flowers – one fake, one real. They were taped together to the barrier along with a 2 pound pink & purple dumbbell which was secured by wire. I took everything (beep!. Oh, what does that beep mean? I’ll tell ya, if you ever have the interest, or courage, to just ask me). I took the items and drove to the women’s resource center.

    When I got to the women’s resource center, I was in SUCH emotional upheaval that in streaming tears I handed the fake and real flowers to the woman and when I gave her the dumbbell I told her she was going to need a little strength to figure it out.

    I interpreted the dumbbell correctly. It’s a tough riddle.

    • mjk,

      In response to your question, I guess I don’t understand the “tough riddle” you mention about interpreting the dumbbell correctly. I get the other coincidence about the poem and flowers I think.

      I hope you understood that I was complimenting your very brilliant ability to play with words and come up with some amazing combinations as in the recent one with sin, toxin, etc. Toxic and talk sick is really an amazing revelation!!

      When I suggest your doing that, I don’t mean to pressure you, but rather, since you are so good at that it might help as a diversion from things that tend to upset you. You might even be good at crossword puzzles, Scrabble and other word play type games, etc.

      If that’s not the case, forget it! Ha ha What does ease your mind and give you diversion?

      Have a nice night.

      • There is no poem. It’s a riddle.

        A riddle is a statement or question or phrase having a double or veiled meaning, put forth as a puzzle to be solved.

        1. A question or statement requiring thought to answer or understand; a conundrum.

        I don’t write riddles. I don’t think of riddles. I don’t have any particular interest in riddles. Riddles aren’t a hobby of mine.

        My hand wrote the riddle but I am not author.

        I am not the one who put the items on the jersey barrier. I only noticed them. It was as if I was holding the riddle in my hands. And I certainly thought of and remembered the riddle that day – with one fake flower, one real flower.

        A riddle is a statement or question or phrase having a double or veiled meaning, put forth as a puzzle to be solved.

        Tough riddle, gonna need strength to figure it out – which is what the dumbbell represents.

        I’m not sure what the person who put those things there meant in doing it. Gasp! OMG! Was it a CIA agent? *smile, wink* lol (actually, REALLY NOT FUNNY).

        If I was severely distressed and intellectually confused by the riddle, and / or by having found those items that day, would psy ch ia try want to say I was being psychotic or schizophrenic? I KNOW YOU ARE SHAKING YOUR HEADS NO. Because if they don’t then my, oh my, you are so fkn stupid.

        clap, clap, clap, clap.

        Scrabble is how I developed my skill. If I had the right sort of occupational $upports, for $kills assessments, what I do would never be called word play (which is devaluation and has negative connotations).

        Thank you for the compliment. For your amusement, I offer up my name, anagrammed:

        Ninja seems sane. Sale!

        ~ mjk

        • mjk,

          Actually, here is an article about “word play” that describes my meaning when using it with you as a witty way with words. I’d say that given that the article includes such punsters as Shakespeare and James Joyce as some of the many literary geniuses using word play, the term is anything but devaluation with negative connotations as you say as far as I am concerned.

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Word_play

          Here is information about the popular DVD documentary, Wordplay, described as
          “an in-depth look at The New York Times’ long-time crossword puzzle editor Will Shortz and his loyal fan base.” Considering his fans include famous people like the very smart Bill Clinton and Ken Burns, I’d say again that anyone good at “wordplay” is in smart company.

          Anyway, you can find out lots more about the many famous, very intelligent people who are very serious and devoted to all types of word play by googling it yourself. This includes many literary giants, screen/play and other writers, etc.

          Sorry if I offended you. I have to admit I am finding some of your posts confusing, so I guess in such cases I should remain silent rather than trying to guess your meaning.

    • I don’t understand why this needs to be explained.

      What’s inside, people say is fake (schizophrenic, delusion), and you need a lot of strength in order to deal with holding onto it and seeing it’s not.

      Well, the rake….

      In the forest the leaves just fall, but….

      • My priority was to get the support I needed to do the mental / intellectual work to understand ALL of what was happening. That’s why I brought it to the women’s resource center. They said and did NOTHING. They just don’t understand.

          • And it’s such a beautiful matrix, too…..

            People just are….. soo busy…..

            The whole Universe came out of one singularity that expanded into itself. Out of nothing, out of potential, possibility.

            That anyone would take some time to relate to things that came out of “nowhere” and have the connection with creativity that actually bring out what human possibility is, is too much to ask.

            Too many wars to fight to prevent trauma bye causing it….

            Where did this poem come from that slipped through your fingers onto paper, was it from Wallmaart or a source where there’s no loss in giving from?

            Nope, don’t have time for it….

            or

            “That’s nice….”

    • This is one example of why this site is so important to ex-patients/survivors. Everyone who comes to MIA knows of this article or that study, and when everyone posts what they have it comprises a huge “library” of information that wouldn’t be available by going down to your corner library. Some of these articles and information costs too much money for lots of us to access the information but others make it available free of charge here. It’s amazing.

      It’s this kind of “networking” that will help our movement to overcome the lies and smoke and mirrors and snake oil peddling that the system carries out in the name of “good treatment.”

        • Right.

          Some of the articles on-line can only be accessed by paying $30 for them. Someone is making a big bunch of money on all of this. Some of these articles are only three or four pages long and they want $30 for them! I really appreciate all of the things that you and others post; it broadens my knowledge tremendously. I’m still wondering how I can get my hands on one of those hang drums that you brought to my attention.

          • Oh, okay. Ha, we’re talking about different articles. You must mean these pricey scientific journals. I meant articles from MIA (because I wanted to study one that was particularly long and I had limited time at the library – no joke, $20 bucks!)

            Anyway, my bad. Now I understand your meaning. The zen drum thingys are very expensive, around $1K or more.

    • We’ve been under surveillance for decades!! I do my laundry (at the laundromat) on camera, lol (not funny).

      Ever hear of Edward Snowden, who achieved asylum in Russia for leaking information about U.S. and England’s surveillance programs?

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Snowden

      All the world is the Great Mind turned inside out.

      TV represents our mind’s ability to see inside (tell a vision)
      Radio represents our mind’s ability to transmit & receive
      Computer represents our mind’s ability to calculate
      The internet itself is an actual DIMENSION

      The mind’s EYE that watches all of humanity is manifest in the way of global surveillance (we ALL have a camera inside of our minds).

      Try it sometime (if you can handle it). When you walk outside, realize that you’re walking around INSIDE OF THE GREAT MIND.

      As within, so is out.
      As above (thought, imagined, conceived, known), so below (manifest, realized, made real).

    • The point in the article, I believe, isn’t that the cameras are getting too much attention in regards “schizophrenics,” who aren’t necessarily the ones buying all the surveillance equipment or using it, I think. It’s that with “schizophrenics” they point out how cameras are part of the fear based culture. A writer might use the theme of surveillance to point out what it does to society; the same a “schizophrenic” in relating to their own fear uses it as a symbolism. And it’s as real for the “schizophrenic” as it is for the reader of the writer of the story, in order to relate. A “schizophrenic” doesn’t have the lack of sensitivity that they can just ignore such elements, I think. They’ve had enough trauma in their life, that they know how such fear based elements effect society; and thus their imagination and how it relates to reality is flexible enough that they can encompass the phenomenon of “cameras” and use it to embody their own fear, to let go of it. They also don’t have the choice to just dwell on more “pleasant” things. In fact, they are told they are “crazy” just because their imagination is flexible enough to work out their own fear, with such symbolism others don’t understand, know how to relate to and label a symptom of a disease. While there’s enough evidence in regards methods that achieve rates of recovery with “schizophrenia” that these “symptoms” which when seen as expressions instead could help them let go of fear, or help them understand themselves at a deeper level, if left be. And they are often are forced on psychiatric medications to stop these “symptom,” even though The medications don’t even stop the delusions statistically, or promote recovery; they only disable the natural workings of the mind, and I would think this could hamper it’s ability to understand what’s going on at a holistic level. “Schizophrenics”, when they have these “delusions” that they are under surveillance; which when left alone might teach them about how fear works: not only are allowed to work this out (it’s seen as a symptom of a disease and needs to be eradicated rather than an expression of trauma, or illusion that when allowed to be exposed facilitates letting go of fear based programming); they are then put under actual diagnosis and discrimination (which IS surveillance) in regards their behavior; drugged so that they are more docile and lose self initiative (which is seen as a sign of healing rather than coercion), it’s implied that they are supposed to dwell on more “pleasant” things that don’t trigger dark elements in society, and that they are disruptive because “society” doesn’t want to deal with the issue of surveillance, or whatever their supposedly “disruptive” “delusions” are about.

      And if someone actually was under surveillance, and this was being suppressed; it could then be called a delusion,as well.

      This stuff is quite amazing. A friend of mine was court ordered to see a therapist regularly, who he felt RUINED his whole day, so he didn’t go to see her. She called him back up, and in the context of the conversation asked him if he needed a ride to see her (they would pick him up) but he said no, and hung up. The next day, the police showed up at the apartment building and escorted him back to the asylum. And in the asylum he was asked by the psychiatrist, whether he thought anyone was after him…

      A writer that writes a novel about surveillance and allows his imagination to encompass that; can bring perspective to the issue for himself and others that read or hear about his story. The “schizophrenic” I see as working out the issue inside themselves. Both those, I think, are giving attention to the issue. I don’t think that suppressing either of those two choices helps deal with the issue. Disabling the mind when confronted with the issue, isn’t going to make it go away, either, I think. Or help you let go of it.

      • I left out one word here, which I added as *NOT*

        “Schizophrenics”, when they have these “delusions” that they are under surveillance; which when left alone might teach them about how fear works: not only are *NOT* allowed to work this out (it’s seen as a symptom of a disease and needs to be eradicated rather than an expression of trauma, or illusion that when allowed to be exposed facilitates letting go of fear based programming); they are then put under actual diagnosis and discrimination (which IS surveillance) in regards their behavior; drugged so that they are more docile and lose self initiative (which is seen as a sign of healing rather than coercion), it’s implied that they are supposed to dwell on more “pleasant” things that don’t trigger dark elements in society, and that they are disruptive because “society” doesn’t want to deal with the issue of surveillance, or whatever their supposedly “disruptive” “delusions” are about.

        Here again I left out *DON’T*

        They also don’t have the choice to just dwell on more “pleasant” things. In fact, they are told they are “crazy” just because their imagination is flexible enough to work out their own fear, with such symbolism others don’t understand, *DON’T* know how to relate to and label a symptom of a disease.

        • And this of should have been or:

          And it’s as real for the “schizophrenic” as it is for the reader of (should be or) the writer of the story, in order to relate.

          And it’s as real for the “schizophrenic” as it is for the reader or the writer of the story, in order to relate.

      • “And in the asylum he was asked by the psychiatrist, whether he thought anyone was after him…”

        I was ordered by a court to be evaluated for drug & alcohol group treatment & counseling services (that would have required many months of my 30 hours per week attendance). During the interview, I was asked if I thought the TV was sending me messages (and the man said, “be careful, they’re screening for schizophrenia”). I was ASTOUNDED at the stupidity I had to endure and in a very point-blank and assertive manner I said “YES, OF COURSE THE TELEVISION SENDS MESSAGES. HELLO?”

        The man concluded with such certainty that indeed, I required very intensive drug and alcohol treatment and counseling. I laughed in his face and said “well that’s because your agency stands to get paid, what – over a thousand dollars a week? NOT IN MY NAME, pal”.

        I admit – I *do* have a chemical addiction. MY drugs of choice are typical “schizophrenic” drugs: caffeine (coffee) and nicotine (cigarettes). I have NEVER EVER in my life used cocaine or heroin or LSD or any of that garbage. What sort of idiot would put me in a room full of people who have serious drug and alcohol issues when I don’t? I could never ever identify with or relate to people with that sort of life experience. That man only saw a disadvantaged, poverty-level woman (in other words, BIG MONEY for his agency).

        All this, to be OBEDIENT to a severely mentally retarded, hell-bent, insatiable authoritative system that simply wants to COMMAND and BE OBEYED – in order for me to get my STOLEN kids back. Absolute ridiculousness.

        “They” are NOT genuine caretakers or caregivers. They simply are an authoritative system and a money system. I truly believe they have ZERO understanding of the Mind.

        • mjk

          You are right on target here! I had to laugh when you talked about how you said that of course the tv is sending messages!

          For some reason it reminded me of my experience of being admitted to the first psych hospital as a patient. The psych tech took me to my room and then he began going around the room and patting each piece of furniture as he said, in a monotone voice, “This…is….your….bed….this….is..your….dresser….this….is…your….desk….” I was being treated as if I were some kind of “defective being” who had no idea what was going on! After silently watching him go thorugh all of this I spoke up and asked him why he was talking like that and patting all the furniture! Two days later this same tech was leading a group, which he was late for. When he arrived in the room I patted the chair reserved for him and said, “This….is….your….chair….” He told me to quit being a smart ass!

      • Nijinsky

        Exactly.

        Rather than educating people about how to deal with their “delusions” and letting them get on with their lives, the system is hell bent on squashing all kinds of thinking and acting that isn’t in lock step with so-called “consensus reality.” Everyone must think, feel, act, and behave exactly as those who want to be in command of all of us think we should. There’s a movie about this, I think its name is Equilibrium, or something along those lines. Everyone must take their “drug” daily so that they won’t act, think, or behave from the accepted norm set by a very small number of people. Of course, this means that everyone is virtually a slave. And this is exactly how psychiatry seems to want things to be and it seems that they are working very hard to achieve this.

        When the question is raised where I work about why it’s “necessary” to force the so-called “patients” into consensual reality rather than giving them ways to deal with their “issues” and let them live their lives the psychiatrists and psychologists and psychiatric nurses froth at the mouth and scream that it’s not “theraputic” to allow them to continue in their “delusions” and “faulty thinking!”

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