Building Relationship with Ourselves and Others: The Five A’s

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From PACEs Connection: “I recently listened to an interview featuring David Richo. He wrote a book several years ago, How to be An Adult in Relationships, in which he explained what he calls the Five A’s that help relationships flourish. What he said made so much sense, and I saw applications beyond individual relationships. I believe we can use the Five A’s to better understand relationships with others and ourselves and even apply it to other contexts.

He explained that the Five A’s are what we need as infants when we enter the world and begin relationships with our caregivers. It begins with attention and then proceeds as each concept builds on the previous ones. If we progressively receive all Five A’s, then we become securely attached. Yet, if we do not eventually receive all Five A’s as developing children, we will continue to seek fulfillment as we grow older.

The Five A’s are:

Attention: First, as an infant, we receive attention from others, and we learn to communicate through crying and cooing to ask for attention. As we grow, we are the focus of someone’s loving attention, but also are aware of and share our attention with ourselves and others.

Acceptance: We are accepted for who we are; others do not try to change us significantly, and they embrace our individuality.

Appreciation: As children, we become part of the family group and give back to the group not only through work but by just being who we are. We feel appreciation for our contributions.

Affection: Children and adults need emotional, spiritual and physical affection. When we give affection, it is the act of showing others that we care about them. Affection is listed fourth because it grows out of the previous three. Without the previous three, affection may not feel safe.

Allowing: As children, we are allowed to move and begin to make choices on our own. It is letting others be who they are. We don’t try to change personality traits or beliefs, or blame or judge for mistakes or differences. Allowing is the essence of unconditional love.”

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2 COMMENTS

  1. This article largely synopsizes why the behavior of the psychological and psychiatric industries so often fails.

    “The Five A’s are:

    “Attention:” Too many of the “evidence based” DSM “bible” billers only pretend to give a person “attention,” while they search for a DSM diagnosis, with which they can stigmatize the person.

    “Acceptance:” Since all the DSM disorders are scientifically “invalid” stigmatizations, and stigmatizations are a form of defamation of character, rather than being descriptions of people who should be “accepted for who we are.” And since the “mental health professions” tend to focus on trying “to change us significantly,” rather than their embracing “our individuality.” There are innate lack of acceptance issues with our “mental health professions,” and their DSM “bible” theology.

    “Appreciation:” As one who was declared “w/o work, content, and talent” – prior to any of my “mental health professionals” ever bothering to even look at my work. I will say “appreciation for our contributions” seems to be the antithesis of the goal of too many “mental health professionals.”

    Thankfully, in my case, my psychiatrist finally bothered to look at my work – declared it to be “insightful” and “work of smart female” – so he weaned me off his neurotoxins. But I will say, I’ve since noticed a staggering level of lack of “appreciation” for the artists and creatives in general, by the DSM “bible” worshippers.

    “Affection: Children and adults need emotional, spiritual and physical affection. When we give affection, it is the act of showing others that we care about them.” I did not find any of my “mental health professionals” provided emotional or physical affection. To the contrary, my psychologist defamed me to my husband, thus she destroyed my marriage, the place I had previously gotten emotional and physical affection. She also professionally distanced herself from her clients, and she literally blasphemed the Holy Spirit in her medical records – after fraudulently claiming to be a “holistic, Christian talk therapist.”

    “Allowing: As children, we are allowed to move and begin to make choices on our own. It is letting others be who they are.” But since the goal of the “mental health professions” is to “try to change personality traits or beliefs, or blame or judge [others] for mistakes or differences.” Well ….

    “Allowing is the essence of unconditional love.” But stigmatizing, then forcing and coercing neurotoxins on people, is the epitome of undeserved hatred.

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