From Mad in the Netherlands: The shock state in your stress system (GHIA) starts at a young age. It can, without you even knowing that this is the case, lead to many physical and psychological complaints in the further course of your life and lead to a reduced load capacity with often strong sensitivity to sensory stimuli. People with GHIA often experience relationship problems and difficulty with intimacy because of the regular attachment problems. Often people feel very misunderstood with their complaints. Few Dutch texts about GHIA are available. That is why we want to pay attention to it.
Read the full article about this quarterly theme here and the English translation here.
These ethnic people have been dangling their babies over sheer drops for aeons. Note that the comments section does not call it early childhood trauma or child abuse. Instead the non western mothers are called fiercly courageous. In Siberia the reindeer herding so necessary for survival is so “full time” that there is no time for babies at all beyond making them. The babies are swaddled up in reindeer fur and kept cocooned and alone and left all day long while the mother gets handy with a reindeer rope or helps lift the roof of the yurt structure of the dwelling. If the baby bawls it is sometimes left to howl. Nobody in the comments section advises that the Siberian baby needs a team of social workers or that the ladder climbing mother should be sent to learn how to be more loving in umpteen therapy sessions. Instead the comments section praise the survivalist techniques of the mothers and the tribe.
I am not saying that trauma care is not vital in many situations but I am getting more than a bit suspicious of the unnatural burden placed on mothers to be ideal and perfect and safe. The World Is Not Safe! The expectation that mothers be superhuman used to be heaped at the feet of psychotherapists. Psychotherapists were expected to heal all the supposed trauma that they dug up. Now it has become clear that psychotherapy is not a magic wand that can fix the trauma they unearth, often also since life itself is traumatic in a million ongoing stressful hourly ways, given that humans are terrifyingly mortal and therefore subject to insufferable anxiety, psychotherapy is instead rescuing its buisness by revealling that mothers are damaging to their babies and so if you ever had “a mother” then it becomes highly likely you are irreprably broken and need a therapist to undo the damage, damage that psychotherapy claims you do not even remember. Add to this various political ideoligies that seek to drive a wedge between parents and their offspring and it begins to seem like mass bodysnatching of infants.
I am not saying that scaling mountain cliffs on ladders with babies and slippy chickens or wrapping babies in reindeer hide is the best thing that can be done with such a bundle of joy. But I am saying that I am wary of the new western vogue of heaping blame for every thing that goes wrong in life at someone elses feet, namely mothers.
The mother and baby are a binary system where the wellbeing of the mother matters to the baby. A human cannot arrive at wellbeing if that human is not allowed to sometimes be naturally imperfect. Expecting mothers to be perfect and produce perfectly sorted contented offspring is as creepy as what went on in wartime Germany.
A REGIME is COMING. It will be telling everyone how to think, what to feel, what to believe, and how to raise the next army.
When that day comes ANY mother will want to strap her baby on her back and clamber up a mountain high ladder to be left blissfully alone.
“But I am saying that I am wary of the new western vogue of heaping blame for every thing that goes wrong in life at someone elses feet, namely mothers.”
I don’t think blaming mothers is a “new” thing for either the way too paternalistic – to the point of being outright misogynistic at times, in my experience – psychologic and psychiatric industries.
But I agree, the blame the mom believing psychological and psychiatric pendulum is swinging back in the wrong direction again, or maybe just never ended.
And I will say attacking, stigmatizing, neurotoxic poisoning, and DSM defaming a mother/woman to her husband, does destroy a marriage (shame on my former “marriage counsellor”). And such highly inappropriate behavior also leaves a mother less available to her children. So the mass stigmatizing and psych drugging of young moms should absolutely end.
Thankyou Someone Else. Humanity is entering a time of denigration of women and in particular mothers. We just don’t see it yet.
When we denigrate a thing, such as a house, or book, or a party, or a person, we get lost in raging at a perceived deficiency. But this obscures WHAT WE DO WANT.
The whole world is crying for THE GOOD MOTHER.
That is what is WANTED. But it seems easier to rage at the experience of the bad mother. Anger can of course split up the emotional breaks within, but anger is not a nourishing food. Anger is not THE GOOD MOTHER most yearned for.
To find THE GOOD MOTHER we need to understand that not ALL mothers are bad. It is possible to be A GOOD MOTHER. I am for BALANCE in all things. We need to be BALANCED in our assessment of POSSIBILITIES. It IS POSSIBLE to be a GOOD MOTHER without the imbalancing requirement of impossible perfectionism. What is GOOD may not be perfect. What is GOOD may only need to be GOOD ENOUGH.
In some desperately famine struck countries some mothers truly brutalize their children in directly physical ways as part of the degradation of gruelling poverty or as part of religious ideology. I look at those poor children having to pick rubbish from landfills at the age of five or risk getting beaten and I think Western children who want for nothing are lucky by comparison. But the tide is turning against even GOOD ENOUGH mothers. That perpetual indoctrinated raging will cloud what humanity really WANTS. To denigrate ALL MOTHERING is what will inexorably lead to the denigration of ALL EMOTIONS. That’s not a fine world to live in.
Before anyone replies I have to say I cannot stick around for adding more. On the internet you say something general and always someone will come up with a specific to them scenario that your generalization missed out. This then perpetuates bickering and argumentation by virtue of have to turn your every generalization into a narrowing down, into including all observable specifics, until your general comment becomes a wall of tangents. A general comment aligns with “consensus opinion” not “specific individual experiences”. It marks a division between THOU and I. There will always be found a deficiency in any generalization in as much as it cannot narrow down to embrace a specific. A lot of the rowing on the internet thornbush is over the PAIN of how generalizing and consensus opinion are not motherly to the individual experience. The internet acts as a gigantic generalizer to which everyone cries out that this does not speak to their individual needs. This is the row humans are caught up in. But rowing can easily be mistaken for pursuing what you actually want. Whereas rowing is a step before figuring out that such inner unhappiness and dissatisfaction does WANT something. Humans are ensnared in all this rowing. It is better sometimes to go within and be silent and become aware of what exactly it is that you really really NEED and really really VALUE. You do not need to defeat everyone on the poisonous internet, perpetually generalizing, perpetually inviting specific bickering, to do that knowingness of what you WANT.
It may seem counter intuitive but if you seek to know more of what it is you WANT, in future this will become more relevant…
SILENCE IS THE ANSWER.
Switch off the internet.
Buy a book.