Is Mental Health a Choice—and Can Understanding Help Us Heal?

There’s a fundamental belief that one has control over their mental health. One’s circumstances past or present won’t impede one’s future if one manages their emotional health properly. Certainly, one does make decisions on future actions. But does one choose what emotions/thoughts from past experiences stay with them long term? Do they choose the impacts of those stored emotions, perceptions and thoughts? Do they decide how quickly they release emotions from past experiences? If we are to understand mental health and human behavior, don’t we need to determine what is really a choice and what isn’t? Don’t we need to understand the normal manner in which the mind retains and releases emotion before we declare a psychological problem a disorder or disease?

I’ve experienced a severe psychological “disorder” after an emotionally intense unresolved experience that was a struggle lasting for decades. I didn’t pursue mental health treatment for reasons outlined in a previous article. Instead, I looked for a way out on my own. My work and study was in the field of psychology and social services so my approach was analytical.

I began with three certainties that I had about my psychological problem. I used the three certainties to develop a method for understanding human behavior. With it, I gradually healed over time.

My three certainties were, 1) my psychological problem came from an upsetting experience, not a biological abnormality, 2) it was stored emotion from the experience that I was unable to release that caused the psychological problem, and 3) it was the inability to incorporate the experience into what I understood of human behavior that cause the emotion to be stored indefinitely versus released over time.

Given the last certainty, I pursued a goal to understand human behavior that didn’t fit into my life experience, with the belief that such knowledge of human behavior, would give me the ability to release the thoughts and emotion my mind was holding in.

It is my belief that just as you don’t choose your biology, you don’t choose whether or what emotions/thoughts from experiences are stored either. Storing emotions and thoughts from significantly upsetting, unresolved experiences is a normal function of the mind, not an abnormality or a choice.

Surely my three certainties will be in question. But I found that when you look at human behavior with the belief that those three certainties are true, then the formations and differences in people’s psychological makeup, variations in perspectives and interpersonal conflicts make sense. Below is where those certainties took me.

Formation of Psychological Makeup

A significantly upsetting experience, which one doesn’t have the information to process, would happen at some point in everyone’s life. Children would be particularly vulnerable and the least likely to even attempt to process such experiences. Therefore, I think everyone has stored emotions/thoughts, it’s a question of how much and what those thoughts, perceptions and emotions are.

Variation in Psychological Makeup

Naturally, there’s an endless combination of thoughts and emotions one could have stored. Let me give two combinations as examples. Let’s say that intimidation and fear play a primary role in the experience. What impact would that have? Some possibilities are feelings of nervousness, distraction, fear of aggressiveness, likely to flee or freeze in conflict, avoidance of conflict, suppressed assertiveness, and one may try to please. I’ll give a person of this psychological makeup the name “Pat.”

In a different situation, let’s say abandonment played a primary role in the experience. Thoughts and emotions stored may include feelings of being unwanted. Am I bad or unlovable? One may experience hurt with anger that causes irritability and impulsive expressions of emotion. One could be inclined to fight instead of freeze in a conflict. This could lead to impulsive aggression and comfortability in responding to it. Such traits can result in confidence in social interactions. I’ll call a person with this psychological makeup “Kit.” Later I will discuss interaction between Pat and Kit.

People may say that these are personality types or, in the extreme, a disorder. I view them as normal reactions to different situations. The stored thoughts/emotions will now impact future perceptions, interpretations, manner, and behavior.

Stored emotion may increase with future unresolved upsetting experiences. Stored emotion may lessen when there’s stability, allowing a gradual release of what is stored. But the base of the psychological makeup remains the same throughout life because people never release all their stored emotion. They keep perceiving, interpreting, and responding in the same direction. When stored emotion increases, it results in a greater intensity of the traits one already has. When stored emotion lessens, it lessens the intensity of one’s traits.

Interpersonal Conflict 

I’m going to make Pat and Kit a couple to talk about how these two psychological makeups can play off each other. I purposely made the names unisex because you see the range of psychological makeups in all sexes. It may be easy to see where Pat and Kit’s psychological makeups would trigger each other during a conflict. Strong impulsive expressions of anger by Kit would trigger feelings of intimidation in Pat. Fleeing or freezing by Pat would trigger feelings around abandonment in Kit.

Although they may know of each other’s traits, that doesn’t mean they identify with or understand them. People often feel they are habits that develop because they work for the person who has them. For example: People support you if they feel you are the victim and people associate passivity with victimization. People back away if you’re aggressive and you get what you want. Both Pat and Kit can interpret each other’s behavior not as a difference with psychological makeup that wasn’t chosen but chosen manipulation and abuse.

Failure to understand a different psychological makeup often results in inaccurate interpretations of other’s behavior. However, there’s another serious concern. What happens when there’s serious emotional upset minus the information needed to process it? It’s stored. What happens when the amount of stored emotion increases? The traits one has increase in intensity. The increase in stored emotion isn’t gradual, it’s sudden, occurring when someone finds a behavior particularly upsetting. The sudden increase in stored emotion means the conflict becomes serious suddenly (even dangerous as in domestic violence). The intensity of emotion impairs communication, interfering with resolution. This means the conflict remains long term and may continue to intensify as additional disputes take place. In the end there’s a failed relationship with an increase in stored emotion from it. The more stored emotion one has the more negative one’s interpretations become. Although I made Pat and Kit a couple, they could be two family members, friends, or even a therapist and client.

Understanding Another’s Perspective

Pat’s psychological makeup I identify with. So understanding a Pat comes naturally to me. But to understand Kit I needed to understand the difference in emotion stored and its impact. I did so by considering what viewpoints would emerge from what traits Kit understands and the traits Kit wouldn’t understand. A Pat is frequently said to be too sensitive. If one understands a fight reaction, attacks in and of themselves aren’t behavior that’s stored long term. But for a Pat, attacking in itself, regardless of what is said, can lead to stored emotion. It makes sense that Kit would see Pat’s tendency hold onto feelings from an attack as sensitivity, maybe even an abnormality. It makes sense that Kit would be bothered by Pat’s sensitivity and see Pat as playing the victim. It makes sense that Kit would see Pat’s emotional upset as the problem. Kit may see it as a temper tantrum, “attention seeking” that people shouldn’t play into, and make the argument against sympathy and support for Pat’s emotional upset.

Now the other side. Given that Pat has suppressed assertiveness, Pat doesn’t identify with an attacking response as Kit would. Pat would feel Kit is impulsively aggressive and insensitive to its impact. If Kit’s anger becomes extreme, Kit may be seen as needing anger management. However, when one feels their anger is justified, the view that their anger is the problem will likely increase it.

Both Pat and Kit can leave the relationship with a very negative view of each other and those exhibiting similar qualities. In the extreme, when people feel they have been wronged, it can lead to intentional abuse without remorse but a belief that it’s justice.

How Did This Understanding Help?

By viewing psychological makeups as thoughts/emotions from the past that weren’t chosen along with understanding the perspective that would develop from them, I was able to take traits, behavior, and viewpoints from random characteristic to predictable and understandable. I didn’t need to agree with the perspective or the behavior based on it. But I needed both to make sense for my mind to release what was stored.

Trauma

There are a number of conditions that lead to severe amounts of stored emotion. Some exacerbating characteristics of an experience are its intensity, length, intentionality, blame, whether it’s hidden, etc. But there doesn’t have to be what is thought of as a traumatic event. One could be in a family, or other group, where one’s psychological makeup is the odd one out. I mentioned that it isn’t just what happened that matters but whether what happened fits into what the individual understands. In addition, what one’s support system understands matters. People receive support when their response to an experience is seen as understandable. When a person’s response to an experience is seen as abnormal, it’s believed that the person needs correction. Consequently, if you don’t have people with a similar psychological makeup in your support system, you are likely to be seen as the problem and in need of correction. Those circumstances will lead to a high level of stored emotion.

My Recovery

Clearly, I didn’t find a simple solution for my psychological problem. My recovery was slower than I wanted or expected. Making sense of my experience allowed for release of my stored emotion/thoughts but the release was gradual. Although slow, my recovery was linear. I wasn’t derailed by negative reactions, opinions, and behavior directed at me. I understood who would view me negatively and why. Others’ opinions and behavior might upset me but didn’t stick with me. If others’ behavior triggered stored emotions/thoughts, I looked at it as the behavior helped bring to surface and release something that needed to be released.

I started on my journey because the impact of my stored emotion was unlivable. However, in time, my stored emotion was reduced to a livable level. It’s quite stressful to have intense emotion coming to the surface frequently, so when my stored emotion became lower, I wanted to compartmentalize it. But it seemed that my mind was going to keep sending it to the surface whether I wanted it to or not. It seems that the mind knows what can be processed. The mind will compartmentalize what it doesn’t have the information to process. It will send to the surface what can be until it’s gone. People are called “crazy like a fox.” It’s really the mind that’s crazy like a fox. There’s a pattern and a purpose to what the mind does. You can’t change it, you have to understand it.

Implications for Study

It’s recommended that therapists should know and understand the impact of their own unresolved issues to prevent projection on service users. However, understanding your own issues isn’t enough. What is needed, in my view, is an understanding of a range of psychological makeups. Given the number of factors that play into the development of a psychological makeup it’s unlikely that any two will be exactly the same. But there are common patterns of traits and perspectives. Pat and Kit is one example. Some common patterns derive from the amount of stored emotion or the stage of development when the experience occurred. An understanding of psychological makeups and the perspectives that accompany them is a tool needed to diffuse conflicts, provide information to process what’s stored, provide support through genuine understanding, and possibly prevent a serious breakdown from occurring.

We have looked at psychological issues as a choice, a weakness, a character flaw, and a disease, but none of these views has brought us a better understanding or a healthier society. Treating psychological problems as a disease won’t heal or lessen the conditions creating psychological distress. Presuming it’s a choice to store thoughts/emotions from a past experiences when it isn’t, harms. Such a presumption suggests that the development of psychological problems are under the individual’s control. It suggests the individual simply doesn’t cope well with ordinarily distress.

The individual has agency and responsibility. These are core beliefs in our society. But before we find fault in the individual, we need to look at what is a choice and what is simply how the mind functions. Can someone decide not to store emotion regardless of the circumstances experienced? Can someone prevent their store emotion from impacting thoughts, perceptions, and emotional intensity? Can someone decide if and how quickly stored emotion is released? I couldn’t and no one would have wanted that power more than I.