Your comment filled my eyes with tears! It really was (and still is at times!) hell. It is definitely isolating when it feels like no one understands. I’m just grateful I finally have people listening to me. I am so sad to hear that you experienced something similar with a psychologist for so many years. The system can fail people in heartbreaking ways. You are also very much a blessing, and I have no doubt that you will overcome your pain and shine your light onto the world! Take care of yourself. Blessings to you! ♡
Kat, thank you very much for this powerful account of your mother’s pain. I’m so sorry for what you have been through and continue to endure. What an incredible person and daughter you are for sticking by her side and never giving up on her. I am someone who experienced the things she has (including akathisia). I’m on the tail end of my recovery journey and still quite young. There was a time when I didn’t think it was possible to find hope in life. I’m so glad I didn’t give up. Thank you for not giving up on your mother and for being a voice for survivors.
I’m so sorry to hear about the painful experiences you’ve had with the toxic people in your life. I’m also sorry you’re still dealing with the iatrogenic symptoms from those drugs. I truly hope you find freedom from these experiences and live the beautiful life you deserve!
I’m so sad to hear you endured such a painful experience with psychiatrists during your cancer treatment. The sad thing is… they don’t even think they are doing anything wrong! And it’s so true, most people innocently seek help, only to discover the damage after it’s already been done.
I am so sad to hear that you went through something so similar. The fact that you also reached for the word “exorcism” to describe it tells me how deeply traumatic it must have been. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, and I’m truly sorry for what you’ve endured.
To answer your questions: thankfully, throughout my years in the system I was fortunate to have the unwavering support of my loved ones in every possible way. After graduating from university I built a career at large companies and had excellent insurance–though, as you know, insurance rarely covers everything. (Don’t ask me how I maintained this career with everything I was going through on the back end… I couldn’t tell ya! LOL.)
As I mentioned near the end of my article, looking back with a clearer mind, I can see how many people in my life love and care for me so fiercely they would take a bullet for me. My family and friends really had no clue what was going on with me, and it pained them to watch me suffer so much without improvement. Like most people do, they continued to place their trust in the medical “experts” we are all taught to trust. The institutional conditioning runs so deep. The majority of my healing came from the work I did on my own. The good people in my life just wanted me to be happy and healthy again.
During the six years I worked full-time after college, I had amazing support. I worked in a creative industry where people tend to be more open and open-minded, so I felt safe sharing my situation with my managers from the getgo. Every manager I worked for (still maintaining friendships with them to this day!) knew what I was dealing with and allowed me to take all the time off and leaves of absence I needed, and they also protected me from being overloaded with work. My coworkers sent me the most thoughtful and adorable care packages when I was hospitalized and consistently made sure that work was a safe and even fun / joyful place for me to be. I looked forward to going to work each day because the people were amazing. Some of the people I met during those years are part of the reason I’m still alive. I know this kind of workplace support is rare in rat race culture, and I never take it for granted or share it to diminish anyone else’s experience. I’m just lucky. And reconnecting with people now that I’m so healthy and nearly back to the “real Natalie” has been one of the quiet joys of my recovery!!
I really appreciate you sharing your perspective and experience. It’s clear you’ve done a tremendous amount of independent research. I’m the same way! Gotta take breaks though, because it drives me nuts sometimes. 🙂
And I especially agree with what you said about refusing to perpetuate the cycle of harm in the world. I fully believe it is a choice to do so. No matter what was done to me, I have never chosen–and will never choose–to intentionally harm another human being in the way that was done to me.
Thank you again for opening your heart here. I wish you continued strength on your journey! ♡
I’m so glad you resonated with my story, and thank you so much for encouraging me to share it with other survivors. I’m so sorry for my delay in responding! I only just figured out how to reply to comments from my MIA author account.
To answer your question: I think it was pure determination, combined with the stars finally aligning at my true “rock bottom.” After 13 years of not finding the right providers–ones who truly understood and empathized with my situation–I had almost given up. But I just knew there were diamonds in the rough out there, and I didn’t want to quit. I’m not a giver upper!
I agree that I could write a whole article about this process. Maybe I will! It’s hard to put into words exactly how I found the three providers I mentioned. One of them I discovered by reading her book first. You can read about that process in this article I wrote for the CPTSD Foundation: https://cptsdfoundation.org/2026/02/16/there-is-life-after-hidden-abuse/
The other two help trauma survivors using Emotional Transformation Therapy (ETT), a modality I’d also like to write about soon. ETT is lesser-known because it isn’t traditional, and no doctor ever recommended it to me–I found it on my own. But it saved my life. It was created by Dr. Steven Vazquez, who I believe is a creative genius. I had the pleasure of working with Dr. Vazquez himself, as well as a provider trained in ETT in my local area. You can learn more about ETT and find a list of its providers (some of whom take insurance) here: https://www.etttraining.com/
As with any modality, I believe each person should research it and try it for themselves. Of course, there are skeptics, as there are with all modalities. But after trying what felt like every possible therapy both inside and outside the system, this is the one that saved my life. Because of this modality and my providers’ investment in me and my case, physiologically, I am almost back to “normal.” (I don’t like that word, but you know what I mean!)
I have so many article ideas in my backlog and notes scattered everywhere, but your comment has motivated me to keep writing. I really appreciate you letting me know that this is an important topic for people who have struggled to find the right providers but don’t want to give up on receiving genuine help that sticks.
Yes, this is unfortunately the case! I did report one group of professionals who harmed me to the board of ethics in my home state, but the case has been sitting in the investigation phase for the past two and a half years, and I still haven’t received any closure. In reality, I could have reported / sued a number of others as well, but once I saw that even the board of ethics didn’t take appropriate action, I decided it wasn’t worth the effort. They protect themselves and their own. Rather than continuing to talk to (scream at!) brick walls, I decided I needed to put in the hard work to overcome my feelings of anger, betrayal, and grief on my own instead of trying to get someone to care.
In terms of my perpetrators, I know that I am not their only victim. I believe that as people like this continue to target innocent and vulnerable people and carry out their miserable lives, they eventually get found out, and others learn to stay away. It’s a sorry way to live, and no matter what is done to me, I will never treat another human being this way.
Roger, I am sad to hear that you became a victim of iatrogenic illness as well. When I learned about some of the ways the system handles veterans and their experiences, it angered me. I can totally relate to being in survival mode during the Computer Science degree! I have also gone on a path of being on my computer less and around humans more. It’s much more natural. I have done some of my own medication practices in my cabin, but I haven’t heard of the Vipassana method. It looks interesting, and I’ll look more into it. I wish you the best on your continued recovery journey!
Thank you so much for your response to my story and for the resources. I’m truly sorry to hear about your experience as well.
Yes, managing stress in psych med withdrawal has been important for me to keep an eye on. For the first year and a half or so of my recovery journey, even the slightest dopamine hit would spark violent reactions in my body. Thankfully, these have mostly calmed down. I am traveling to a foreign country for some time to be away from my past and spend time in nature, and this has helped tremendously to calm my heart and nervous system. My final psychiatrist failed to taper my antipsychotics properly… and this could have killed me! Still, through all the torment of my recovery, I continue to remind myself that I am doing much better than I would be if I were still on the drugs. Because of how hard I’ve worked, I’ve been able to fast-track a lot of the healing that, for many people as heavily overmedicated as I was, can take decades.
I really do understand your pain and feel so sad that you’re still navigating this too. I wish you all the best on your journey.
Aava, I’m so sad to hear about your experience. I’m inspired by your strength! You deserve a beautiful life, and I’m so glad you’re already reclaiming it. I hope you find a way to pursue your dreams again one day. ♡
Hi Thomas, thank you so much for your very sweet and kind comment! I’m happy to hear that my story had a great impact on you and others. I’m glad I made the decision to speak about it publicly—I think many people can resonate with it. Take care.
I’m so sorry to hear this, Silvia. It’s wild to me the kinds of side effects that can occur—and how rarely psychiatrists question or investigate a patient’s history before prescribing these drugs.
Thank you so much for your meaningful response to my story.
I am heartbroken to hear about your precious granddaughter. It’s disgusting what these “doctors” are doing to children who are simply going through the normal struggles of growing up as teenagers and young adults.
I’m sure she was quite the fighter and warrior against what those toxic drugs were doing to her body after that sick man forced them on her. I can only imagine the depth of the pain, anger, and grief your family still carries eight years later. My family would have felt the exact same devastation if it had happened to me.
I believe your granddaughter’s beautiful, sweet spirit lives on in this world. It is very admirable that you continue to research, read, and speak out about causes related to psychiatric malpractice and abuse. That kind of advocacy means more than you know to survivors who are so often dismissed, disbelieved, and labeled as crazy or attention-seeking. Thank you for being a voice for those who feel silenced.
I wish you and your family strength and peace as you keep your granddaughter’s memory alive. Blessings to you! ♡
Thanks, everyone, for the resources—and thank you, Sharon, for mentioning “Unshrunk.” I’m familiar with it! A couple of months ago I went to the bookstore and bought it because I had heard the rave reviews. One chapter in, though, it became too painful for me to keep reading. At this stage of my recovery, I’m still having a hard time with reminders of my time in the system and the evils in the world. So for now I’m focused on my own healing and have taken a break from the books. However, I do hope to be able to read “Unshrunk” in full one day!
Delano is making a huge difference in this community. I know she was recently on a podcast with Mikhaila Peterson, who has recently become more of a public advocate on psych med withdrawal:
Hi Liska, I’m so sad to hear about your similar experience. Gabor Maté played a role in my process of “waking up” to what was done to me as well. I particularly enjoyed “The Myth of Normal” and “When the Body Says No.” I hope your many decades of pain continue to heal as you embrace the truth of who you are—that there was never anything wrong with you, and that you simply went through horrific experiences. Blessings to you!
Forgive my delay in responding! I just figured out how to respond to comments from my author account.
Thank you for your kind words. I’m so sad to hear you had a similar experience. The world just doesn’t understand us math girls who think outside the box 😉
I hope you’re currently living the most beautiful life you deserve, too. God bless you as well. All the best. ♡
Thank you so much for sharing your painful and powerful story. You are so brave for seeking help with your pain, and I’m so sorry to hear that your courage and honesty were taken advantage of by the predators in the system. I am very glad that you know in your heart you do not have BPD and are taking active steps to heal your nervous system with the compassion, empathy, and understanding the “experts” never gave to you.
Your story was very validating for me. I had a similar experience of being labeled BPD when it was actually CPTSD all along. I, too, was demonized and shunned as an abuser when the medical providers and, subsequently, the people in my life began weaponizing the diagnosis and its symptoms against me. The providers even tried to force me into an institution against my will for a year and a half. Because of this, I do not have my Master’s degree today… they convinced me that I was not capable of getting through graduate school and that needed to go to the institution instead. These experiences were so painful.
I am now doing trauma therapy and working through things in my own way as well to calm my hypervigilance and flashbacks. I moved to a foreign country halfway across the world and simplified my life. I am prioritizing nutrition, exercise, and time in nature. Even though things have calmed down, the word “borderline” still rings in my ears every day like the little devil on my shoulder. But I know that one day I will have complete freedom from this dehumanizing label.
Thank you again for sharing your story and encouraging your readers to find empathy and compassion for themselves.
Dear Margarita,
Your comment filled my eyes with tears! It really was (and still is at times!) hell. It is definitely isolating when it feels like no one understands. I’m just grateful I finally have people listening to me. I am so sad to hear that you experienced something similar with a psychologist for so many years. The system can fail people in heartbreaking ways. You are also very much a blessing, and I have no doubt that you will overcome your pain and shine your light onto the world! Take care of yourself. Blessings to you! ♡
Sincerely,
Natalie
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Kat, thank you very much for this powerful account of your mother’s pain. I’m so sorry for what you have been through and continue to endure. What an incredible person and daughter you are for sticking by her side and never giving up on her. I am someone who experienced the things she has (including akathisia). I’m on the tail end of my recovery journey and still quite young. There was a time when I didn’t think it was possible to find hope in life. I’m so glad I didn’t give up. Thank you for not giving up on your mother and for being a voice for survivors.
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I’m so sorry to hear about the painful experiences you’ve had with the toxic people in your life. I’m also sorry you’re still dealing with the iatrogenic symptoms from those drugs. I truly hope you find freedom from these experiences and live the beautiful life you deserve!
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Dear Rosalee,
Thank you for empathizing with my suffering. ♡
I’m so sad to hear you endured such a painful experience with psychiatrists during your cancer treatment. The sad thing is… they don’t even think they are doing anything wrong! And it’s so true, most people innocently seek help, only to discover the damage after it’s already been done.
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Hi Vee,
I am so sad to hear that you went through something so similar. The fact that you also reached for the word “exorcism” to describe it tells me how deeply traumatic it must have been. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, and I’m truly sorry for what you’ve endured.
To answer your questions: thankfully, throughout my years in the system I was fortunate to have the unwavering support of my loved ones in every possible way. After graduating from university I built a career at large companies and had excellent insurance–though, as you know, insurance rarely covers everything. (Don’t ask me how I maintained this career with everything I was going through on the back end… I couldn’t tell ya! LOL.)
As I mentioned near the end of my article, looking back with a clearer mind, I can see how many people in my life love and care for me so fiercely they would take a bullet for me. My family and friends really had no clue what was going on with me, and it pained them to watch me suffer so much without improvement. Like most people do, they continued to place their trust in the medical “experts” we are all taught to trust. The institutional conditioning runs so deep. The majority of my healing came from the work I did on my own. The good people in my life just wanted me to be happy and healthy again.
During the six years I worked full-time after college, I had amazing support. I worked in a creative industry where people tend to be more open and open-minded, so I felt safe sharing my situation with my managers from the getgo. Every manager I worked for (still maintaining friendships with them to this day!) knew what I was dealing with and allowed me to take all the time off and leaves of absence I needed, and they also protected me from being overloaded with work. My coworkers sent me the most thoughtful and adorable care packages when I was hospitalized and consistently made sure that work was a safe and even fun / joyful place for me to be. I looked forward to going to work each day because the people were amazing. Some of the people I met during those years are part of the reason I’m still alive. I know this kind of workplace support is rare in rat race culture, and I never take it for granted or share it to diminish anyone else’s experience. I’m just lucky. And reconnecting with people now that I’m so healthy and nearly back to the “real Natalie” has been one of the quiet joys of my recovery!!
I really appreciate you sharing your perspective and experience. It’s clear you’ve done a tremendous amount of independent research. I’m the same way! Gotta take breaks though, because it drives me nuts sometimes. 🙂
And I especially agree with what you said about refusing to perpetuate the cycle of harm in the world. I fully believe it is a choice to do so. No matter what was done to me, I have never chosen–and will never choose–to intentionally harm another human being in the way that was done to me.
Thank you again for opening your heart here. I wish you continued strength on your journey! ♡
Sincerely,
Natalie ♡
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Hi AnnieOakley,
I’m so glad you resonated with my story, and thank you so much for encouraging me to share it with other survivors. I’m so sorry for my delay in responding! I only just figured out how to reply to comments from my MIA author account.
To answer your question: I think it was pure determination, combined with the stars finally aligning at my true “rock bottom.” After 13 years of not finding the right providers–ones who truly understood and empathized with my situation–I had almost given up. But I just knew there were diamonds in the rough out there, and I didn’t want to quit. I’m not a giver upper!
I agree that I could write a whole article about this process. Maybe I will! It’s hard to put into words exactly how I found the three providers I mentioned. One of them I discovered by reading her book first. You can read about that process in this article I wrote for the CPTSD Foundation:
https://cptsdfoundation.org/2026/02/16/there-is-life-after-hidden-abuse/
The other two help trauma survivors using Emotional Transformation Therapy (ETT), a modality I’d also like to write about soon. ETT is lesser-known because it isn’t traditional, and no doctor ever recommended it to me–I found it on my own. But it saved my life. It was created by Dr. Steven Vazquez, who I believe is a creative genius. I had the pleasure of working with Dr. Vazquez himself, as well as a provider trained in ETT in my local area. You can learn more about ETT and find a list of its providers (some of whom take insurance) here:
https://www.etttraining.com/
As with any modality, I believe each person should research it and try it for themselves. Of course, there are skeptics, as there are with all modalities. But after trying what felt like every possible therapy both inside and outside the system, this is the one that saved my life. Because of this modality and my providers’ investment in me and my case, physiologically, I am almost back to “normal.” (I don’t like that word, but you know what I mean!)
I have so many article ideas in my backlog and notes scattered everywhere, but your comment has motivated me to keep writing. I really appreciate you letting me know that this is an important topic for people who have struggled to find the right providers but don’t want to give up on receiving genuine help that sticks.
I wish you the absolute best on your journey! ♡
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It means so much to me as a new MIA writer that you’ve been following my articles! I can’t wait to write more. ♡
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Yes, this is unfortunately the case! I did report one group of professionals who harmed me to the board of ethics in my home state, but the case has been sitting in the investigation phase for the past two and a half years, and I still haven’t received any closure. In reality, I could have reported / sued a number of others as well, but once I saw that even the board of ethics didn’t take appropriate action, I decided it wasn’t worth the effort. They protect themselves and their own. Rather than continuing to talk to (scream at!) brick walls, I decided I needed to put in the hard work to overcome my feelings of anger, betrayal, and grief on my own instead of trying to get someone to care.
In terms of my perpetrators, I know that I am not their only victim. I believe that as people like this continue to target innocent and vulnerable people and carry out their miserable lives, they eventually get found out, and others learn to stay away. It’s a sorry way to live, and no matter what is done to me, I will never treat another human being this way.
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Thank you so much, Joel, for your kind words, and I’m so glad my story touched you. Yes, it is an elementary truth!
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Oops! I totally meant to say “meditation practices in my cabin” not “medication practices” … funny and ironic typo!
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Roger, I am sad to hear that you became a victim of iatrogenic illness as well. When I learned about some of the ways the system handles veterans and their experiences, it angered me. I can totally relate to being in survival mode during the Computer Science degree! I have also gone on a path of being on my computer less and around humans more. It’s much more natural. I have done some of my own medication practices in my cabin, but I haven’t heard of the Vipassana method. It looks interesting, and I’ll look more into it. I wish you the best on your continued recovery journey!
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Hi Raul,
Thank you so much for your response to my story and for the resources. I’m truly sorry to hear about your experience as well.
Yes, managing stress in psych med withdrawal has been important for me to keep an eye on. For the first year and a half or so of my recovery journey, even the slightest dopamine hit would spark violent reactions in my body. Thankfully, these have mostly calmed down. I am traveling to a foreign country for some time to be away from my past and spend time in nature, and this has helped tremendously to calm my heart and nervous system. My final psychiatrist failed to taper my antipsychotics properly… and this could have killed me! Still, through all the torment of my recovery, I continue to remind myself that I am doing much better than I would be if I were still on the drugs. Because of how hard I’ve worked, I’ve been able to fast-track a lot of the healing that, for many people as heavily overmedicated as I was, can take decades.
I really do understand your pain and feel so sad that you’re still navigating this too. I wish you all the best on your journey.
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Aava, I’m so sad to hear about your experience. I’m inspired by your strength! You deserve a beautiful life, and I’m so glad you’re already reclaiming it. I hope you find a way to pursue your dreams again one day. ♡
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Hi Vee,
I’m so sorry you went through years of medical gaslighting too. But I’m so happy that you woke up to the truth.
It’s so true! They protect themselves and their own. It should be an elementary principle in medicine that opinion alone is not evidence. Madness!
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Hi Thomas, thank you so much for your very sweet and kind comment! I’m happy to hear that my story had a great impact on you and others. I’m glad I made the decision to speak about it publicly—I think many people can resonate with it. Take care.
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Adding it to my list ♡
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I’m so sorry to hear this, Silvia. It’s wild to me the kinds of side effects that can occur—and how rarely psychiatrists question or investigate a patient’s history before prescribing these drugs.
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Hi Sharon,
Thank you so much for your meaningful response to my story.
I am heartbroken to hear about your precious granddaughter. It’s disgusting what these “doctors” are doing to children who are simply going through the normal struggles of growing up as teenagers and young adults.
I’m sure she was quite the fighter and warrior against what those toxic drugs were doing to her body after that sick man forced them on her. I can only imagine the depth of the pain, anger, and grief your family still carries eight years later. My family would have felt the exact same devastation if it had happened to me.
I believe your granddaughter’s beautiful, sweet spirit lives on in this world. It is very admirable that you continue to research, read, and speak out about causes related to psychiatric malpractice and abuse. That kind of advocacy means more than you know to survivors who are so often dismissed, disbelieved, and labeled as crazy or attention-seeking. Thank you for being a voice for those who feel silenced.
I wish you and your family strength and peace as you keep your granddaughter’s memory alive. Blessings to you! ♡
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Thanks, everyone, for the resources—and thank you, Sharon, for mentioning “Unshrunk.” I’m familiar with it! A couple of months ago I went to the bookstore and bought it because I had heard the rave reviews. One chapter in, though, it became too painful for me to keep reading. At this stage of my recovery, I’m still having a hard time with reminders of my time in the system and the evils in the world. So for now I’m focused on my own healing and have taken a break from the books. However, I do hope to be able to read “Unshrunk” in full one day!
Delano is making a huge difference in this community. I know she was recently on a podcast with Mikhaila Peterson, who has recently become more of a public advocate on psych med withdrawal:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJzw4uaG1CM
Again, haven’t watched it yet, but I plan to once I’m in a better mental state to be reminded of these things.
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Hi there, thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, it’s quite the lipstick on a pig!
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Hi Liska, I’m so sad to hear about your similar experience. Gabor Maté played a role in my process of “waking up” to what was done to me as well. I particularly enjoyed “The Myth of Normal” and “When the Body Says No.” I hope your many decades of pain continue to heal as you embrace the truth of who you are—that there was never anything wrong with you, and that you simply went through horrific experiences. Blessings to you!
Report comment
Forgive my delay in responding! I just figured out how to respond to comments from my author account.
Thank you for your kind words. I’m so sad to hear you had a similar experience. The world just doesn’t understand us math girls who think outside the box 😉
I hope you’re currently living the most beautiful life you deserve, too. God bless you as well. All the best. ♡
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Hi Amaal,
Thank you so much for sharing your painful and powerful story. You are so brave for seeking help with your pain, and I’m so sorry to hear that your courage and honesty were taken advantage of by the predators in the system. I am very glad that you know in your heart you do not have BPD and are taking active steps to heal your nervous system with the compassion, empathy, and understanding the “experts” never gave to you.
Your story was very validating for me. I had a similar experience of being labeled BPD when it was actually CPTSD all along. I, too, was demonized and shunned as an abuser when the medical providers and, subsequently, the people in my life began weaponizing the diagnosis and its symptoms against me. The providers even tried to force me into an institution against my will for a year and a half. Because of this, I do not have my Master’s degree today… they convinced me that I was not capable of getting through graduate school and that needed to go to the institution instead. These experiences were so painful.
I am now doing trauma therapy and working through things in my own way as well to calm my hypervigilance and flashbacks. I moved to a foreign country halfway across the world and simplified my life. I am prioritizing nutrition, exercise, and time in nature. Even though things have calmed down, the word “borderline” still rings in my ears every day like the little devil on my shoulder. But I know that one day I will have complete freedom from this dehumanizing label.
Thank you again for sharing your story and encouraging your readers to find empathy and compassion for themselves.
Sincerely,
Natalie Rose
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