Psychotic Akathisia by Marci Webber

This thing that stirs can’t be overcome.
It starts like a steady, aching hum
building to a bumble bee’s buzz
while a yellowjacket does what it does,

speeding like a train about to derail,
shocking and shaking, you begin to wail,
attacking your entire being,
things seem unlike you’re seeing,

feelings of lightning bolts bursting,
muscles tightened, face grimacing, lips pursing,
teeth clenched are desperately biting.
There’s just no use in fighting.

You try to escape it, try to move
Those around you haven’t a clue
Back and forth, a frenzy ensues
Its torture shakes your mind loose.

Thoughts strike like you’re a lightning rod,
delusions are saturated with God.
Death becomes something you can’t avoid.
You’re now more than just paranoid.

A snap, a shot, or slash,
As reality, an akathisia clash.

*****

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3 COMMENTS

  1. Thank you Marci for writing how we suffer at the hands of psychiatrists, and GP’s. That was truly beautiful given the subject matter. It’s very hard describing mental torture isn’t it? Although we spend a lifetime trying. Does anybody even believe us? I’m finding out most certainly do not. So we’ll stick together, become our own family, help each other when no one else will. My heart is with you, and thank you.

    Sandra Villarreal

  2. I also suffer from this and its agony and I’m crawling out of my skin from the uncontrollable movements and contortions my body is doing without any relief. I also have the dry swollen closed throat and constant jaw clenching and air hunger breathing that causes sores all over my tongue and severe pain in my neck and mouth. I also have to flate my nostrils constantly and they hurt from it. When I really get going, my eyes have to start blinking hard and i keep trying to swallow but cannot and panic sets in. My have to stretch and stiffen. My body rocks back and forth in trying to soothe my body from the movements and I dont even notice that I’m doing it. I do it at all time that I am sitting up. The restless legs chime in when my anxiety builds thinking I will not be able to calm down and relax to go to sleep. Everyone comments on my heavy breathing that I cannot stop because I’m trying to get air into my lungs. I found the diagnosis myself looking up my symptoms and it fit to a tee. My eyes get so sore and dry and itchy and painful from all the hard blinking it does on its own. I know your pain. Its agony. I have various levels of attacks. The more my anxiety I have, the more intense are the movements. Sometimes they drive me into full blown panic attacks and suck every ounce of energy out of me and leave me disabled to the point of not being able to live. I told my psychiatrist that I had this and it manifested from protracted withdrawel syndrome from acute cold turkey benzodiazepine withdrawal after a decade of daily use. I also had several other long term drugs in my brain. My dr. Ignored my diagnosis and I already knew that he didnt believe my health conditions were from drugs but from mental health issues I had like anxiety and ptsd, adhd. How can such an educated man not research his observations of the brain damage these mind altering drugs caused to the nervous system . I would love to know more about your symptoms and I thought I was alone in this pain. You make me want to speak up and advocate for myself. I hope you post more stories.