Spoilation: What Becomes of the Forcibly Drugged?

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After approximately 11 years of psychiatric incarceration l was finally released in June of last year for good behavior. Eleven years is a long time. This long period was a result of two acting-out crimes that were committed whilst l was suffering from acute akathisia.

It is very hard for me to approach these acting-out crimes because l realise now that l lacked very basic information about withdrawal at the time, information that could have saved the life of my cellmate Cedric, who lost his life because of the akathisia I suffered.

It could have also spared the mother of my youngest son a great deal of anguish and fear. The loss of all proximity to her that followed my first acting-out crime was excruciating and it took me many years to get over. Because, paradoxically, she meant more to me than anyone had or probably ever will. My physical aggression toward her was completely out of character. The loss of Cedric leaves me inconsolable. The fact that my act on that day was so out of character has led me to believe that the withdrawal effects from the abrupt stopping of very powerful psychiatric psychotropes are the only explanation for his death.

Several professionals have told me that the dose of neuroleptics I am forced to take will probably kill me. That’s what’s at stake here. I have been forcibly drugged for over forty years now.

Before my first pitiful attempt to withdraw from the psychiatric drug I was coerced to take, my psychiatrist at that time, Doctor P., informed me that there were no withdrawal symptoms from stopping neuroleptics abruptly. So I did, with results that would mark me for life, as much by the behavioural problems l went through as the suffering they caused me and others. For the death of Cedric l was found irresponsible by a French court. I don’t wish to appear to blame entirely the French state for all that happened but their responsibility is engaged in that they were either incredibly naive or criminally negligent, probably both. This is because my treatment at the prison was, as a psychiatrist was later to say, criminally negligent in that it was so badly adapted to my needs and the needs of those around me.

The following describes the negligence of the prison authorities when I was at the prison of Bonneville, where I was incarcerated for not respecting my community treatment order.

In 2011 I found myself in prison for having refused the (ill) treatment imposed by force upon me by the French state. There are three essential and salient points about the handling of me by the penitentiary authorities:

A) Despite my choice to withdraw from the forced (ill) treatment by neuroleptics, that I expressed before one of the two psychiatrists of the prison, the prison staff delivered to my cell two tablets of a potent neuroleptic called, here in France, Tercian. At the time I felt depressed and not in a normal state at all. Who could feel good in the situation I was in? I took the tablets even though I suspected what they were because I was too tired and anxious from the abrupt withdrawal of a few months before. Then without explanation after four days the delivery of these tablets suddenly ceased. I was already suffering from the effects of withdrawal before having taken the Tercian, from the drugs that were prescribed to me that I hadn’t taken for several months. I was now to experience a withdrawal syndrome much stronger than the one I had already been suffering from. The result of this I could not have imagined. Indeed, 10 days later I acted out as a direct result of the combined withdrawal symptoms.

B) I wrote two letters to the Brigadier who was responsible for the cell I found myself in begging him to put me in a cell alone. Following the two letters I had two meetings with him to discuss my request. Each time he minimised my unease and distress at having to share a cell with another prisoner. He ignored my fear of violence between my cellmate and myself and also ignored the fact that I was in no state to share a cell with anyone. My two requests were bluntly refused.

The police inspector who was in charge of the investigation of the subsequent murder of Cedric Fettier informed me that Cedric had also written a letter to the same Brigadier to also request a cell alone; as he explained, he was frightened of me. Until that time I wasn’t aware of his letter to the Brigadier.

C) In my medical records dating from my incarceration at the prison of Bonneville in 2011, there was a copy of a psychiatric expertise that was coauthored by Doctor Lamothe and Doctor Bourrat. In this expertise (of which I have a copy) the two doctors state that in the circumstance of abrupt withdrawal I could be a danger to myself and others. I know that this expertise was and presumably still is in my medical records of this period of 2011. Another expert stated before the magistrates that in my medical records detained by the two psychiatrists at Bonneville the expertise was separated into two dossiers, a half in each of these two dossiers, and that the shrinks had not read it. At the time of the hearing where it was decided that I was irresponsible, I was so distressed by the death of Cedric and very upset for his mother that I cried most of the time and I didn’t realise that just perhaps Cedric’s death was in fact a murder by procuration. That is to say that the negligence of the psychiatrists at the prison was the principal cause of Cedric’s death.

The psychiatrists must surely have known the effects of such a complicated withdrawal from the neuroleptics that they had prescribed, and the overall withdrawal effects from the drugs that I hadn’t taken for several months beforehand, having stopped them abruptly. If I had known that abrupt withdrawal could be so dangerous of course I would not have withdrawn in that way; at that time I had no support or knowledge about this. The lawyer Maitre B., at the hearing that was to decide that I was ‘irresponsible’, did nothing to question the criminal negligence of the prison authorities. She was just there, so it seems to me in hindsight, as an extra, to go through the motions in order to see me condemned as a schizophrenic: dangerous, unpredictably dangerous and irresponsible. This is a fate worse than or at least as bad as any withdrawal symptom.

The mother of Cedric accused the prison authorities of non-assistance of a person in danger, taking the advice of her lawyer. Her court proceedings came to nothing and were thrown out. My two letters to the Brigadier begging him to be alone in the cell have gone missing from my penal dossier. I know the letters existed because l had two meetings with the Brigadier to discuss them, where he minimised my unease and distress and refused to place me in a cell alone. I don’t know to this day if, in the proceedings that the mother of Cedric brought against the prison authorities, the letters were presented to the magistrates at the hearing. I know the two letters are missing from my penal dossier because I have asked for a copy of this dossier and in it the two letters are nowhere to be found. I wonder if the letter from Cedric was presented before the magistrates.

Ten years now I have been asking for a copy of my medical records from 2011 at Bonneville prison, as yet I have not been successful. They give excuses such as that the records are lost or have been destroyed; the fact is that in French law the patient has a right to retain his medical records and they should be kept in the archives at least whilst he is still alive. I have taken my case before the administrative jurisdiction to reclaim the missing letters here in France and they say simply that the two letters never existed. I know for a fact that that is a downright lie. It is obvious to me that the two letters have been removed from my penal dossier surreptitiously. Before such dishonesty I don’t think it paranoid to suspect that the authorities — judicial, penitentiary and medical — are protecting a small number of civil servants who in my opinion deliberately put me in an impossible situation of acute emotional distress and knew exactly the potential outcome of their actions on my behavior. A young Romanian psychiatrist at Sarreguimine told me, “You really must stop torturing yourself about the death of Cedric, you should never have been put in a cell with anyone at that time; you are not responsible, the penitentiary authorities have been criminally negligent.”

In 2014, the third year of my psychiatric incarceration, I decided to abscond from the hospital where I was detained. The reason was simple: after having demanded several times permission from the prefect, who is responsible for the security of the public and the police, to visit my brother, who at that time was terminally ill from cancer of the stomach in my native country of England, and having also asked to be able to leave the hospital for an hour to be with my daughter (she finds visiting me in the hospital too distressing), also several times; all of my requests were refused. I really wanted to see my brother one more time before his impending death. I was up to date with my psychotropes and I knew there was no risk of behavioural problems due to withdrawal so I absconded and made my way to Amsterdam in order to cross the channel to England to see my brother.

If I had known the media reaction to my trip I would certainly not have absconded. I was described as potentially very dangerous and the prosecutor released an international arrest warrant against me. My eldest son had warned me that I had made the front pages of the papers in France and that I was also featured on prime time on the television news. So I decided to return to the hospital; the trip took me three days to get to Amsterdam and to return to the hospital. I never did see my brother again. He died on August 4th, 2016.

When I got back I was thrown into an ‘appeasement’ cell and told that I was to go to a UMD (unit for difficult patients). I was not psychotic, neither agitated or incoherent; this decision was quite obviously political and had nothing to do with a supposed medical condition. It seemed to me at the time, and still does, that the decision was political and was a punishment. A Doctor Choffel later explained to me that I should never have gone to a UMD. When I got to Sarreguimine (the french Broadmoor) three days later, I was again thrown into an appeasement cell but this time strapped to the bed. A Doctor Baretta at the unit for intensive psychiatric care (USIP), where I was to be incarcerated for three months, laughed and joked about my situation and was obsequiously listened to by his staff present at our meetings. l was to see my ill treatment increased by a factor of 15 thanks to a committee of ‘experts’ (presumably in how to poison people) in this unit. The violence of the ‘carers’ was unpredictable and sometimes involved punching other patients (luckily I avoided this). I was told that I had to spend three months in this unit because there were no places left in the UMD at that time.

Once at the UMD l was told that the minimum incarceration at the unit was for six months, after which I was to pass in front of a Commission where they were to decide if I was able to go back to an ordinary psychiatric hospital.

When I was in front of the Commission I stated that the possibility of having a cerebral attack on the neuroleptics worried me. One expert asked, “Do you smoke?” When I replied yes, he said, “That’s a choice.” I thought to myself, “No it’s not, you prick, it’s an addiction!” It was to be the only moment of conflict I had at the hearing. I complied so as to leave the shithole as soon as possible, they bought it, and I was transferred from one prison to another at Montbeliard. I was eventually transferred from Monbeliard to Novillars in early 2016. I wrote to Doctor Barretta at the unit for intensive psychiatric care to ask him why my ill treatment had been increased by 15 times when I was neither psychotic, agitated or incoherent. The arrogant bastard obviously thought that he did not need to reply.

The International Institute for Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal, Joanna Moncrieff and even MIA, despite their best intentions have never been able to help me. The latest development in my relations with the psychiatrists who treat me is that, now that my tardive dyskinesia is more and more visible, they are saying that in fact this is not a Parkinsonian syndrome due to the poisons they force me to take but the development of Parkinson’s disease that I would have had even without the poisons. This is evidently to blame my impending death on a disease that they say has nothing to do with my 40 years of forced poisoning. I haven’t seen the compliant neurologist who will announce to me my future death by Parkinson’s disease but I’m sure he will conceal the psychiatric torture that has been my lot for over 40 years.

The spoilation of my identity and personality has been very thorough, as you can witness. If those subjected to such ill treatment die on average 20 years early, I can witness herein that the effects of the poisoning have ruined my sexuality and led to the continued trembling of my jaw, my arms and my legs. If this isn’t torture, what is it?

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42 COMMENTS

  1. I am still in process of reading your story. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your tragic losses and years of forced toxic drugging. I’m sorry for everyone who has been hurt by toxic psychiatric drugs, directly or indirectly. Thank you for speaking out. I hope your story will be leveraged to accomplish the most good. It is encouraging that more and more victims of psychiatric harm are telling their story. I know they risk retribution. Prayers for you and all of us who are speaking the truth.

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  2. I have read about 3 cases of patients that were “let go” from the psychiatric hospital in the city of Saltillo in Mexico, that as far as I recall around the day of their “release” and up to 6 weeks, if I remember correctly, commited murder/murder attempt and or suicide. Including one male patient who was not admitted but administered a depot neuroleptic and immiedialtely “thrown” onto the street, with fatal consequences. And in the reported words of a local activist group that includes at least 1 or 2 psychiatrists in this peculiar case that involved some form of “negligence”.
    I personally think, without having proof, as especulation, an educated guess, that they were let go precisely because they had or developed akathisia and that was a legal risk to the hospital personnel if a bad outcome happened inside the facility. They were a liability and represented, in the hypothetical words a “danger to others”, so they should not have being let got, let alone thrown out, if one follows the reason, agreeing or disagreeing, by which they were deprived of life and liberty. But I am especulating, and this personnel holds the records, so…
    After all you can always blame the patient for being non-complaint, or the family as irresponsible if a bad outcome happens outside but obviously not inside.
    Inside, there’s “de rigueur” a legal, punitive, inquiry, which will cost at least “out of pocket” money for the personnel, for reasons that I need not elaborate I think. Not even when there is sexual abuse on a minor proved in the courts, as far as I have read, the psychiatrists in this hospital are thrown into jail, or loose their medical license.
    There was, as I remember, the case in this hospital around that time when a young fellow passed away after breeding his eggs and beans breakfast as I remember. And the hospital was ill-equipped to handle THE most common reported reason for fatality inside a psychiatric hospital. Without taking into account the sudden arrhytmic death and violence underreported in the published medical magazine articles.
    Which also is not only unreported, but misstated at least in one indian population study that quotes a background death rate ten times, as far as I recall, higher than the official death rate of the indian population, to make the case, that inside and outside it’s the same rate. Without taking into account the already undereported inside facility “unnatural” death rate. And in India, the relatives actually are way more likely to stay inside with the patient than in other countries, so…
    What makes me curious is that after passing a specific state law in Coahuila, that apparently, as far as I understand, I am no lawyer, made more difficult to throw people out who were made more dangerous by the treatment, not the disease, I haven’t read more media articles about what I stated in the first paragraph above. A positive correlation of sorts, to my mind, worthy of journalistic investigation, but with a small “known” sample, god knows how many others never made it into the newspapers.
    Ironic too in the sense that the State of Coahuila, where Saltillo is, already has 1 chronic patients facility, and they want to build another “acute” one in Torreon city, despite the commitment of the mexican state to not build any more such hospitals, over a DECADE ago.
    And the positive correlation of self injury with the nearbyness of at least psychiatric beds.
    And if I am not misremembering, the city of Saltillo does have a lot of reports in the local media of suicides and suicide attempts in relatively young population, where such “acute” care hospital is actually located. Also worthy, to my mind, of investigative journalism, maybe some effective altruist NGOs should finance such journalistic research, particularly if they have been affected by depression or self harm, personaly, from a friend, colleague, worker or just by caring for others.
    I even imagined a dystopia where one half of the population was locked up, one half work in the hospital, and one half paid for the whole thing.
    Like the mythcal man-bear-pig of South Park…
    But, being honest and in the spirit of full disclosure, the positive findings probability would be way higher in the mexican state of Puebla, not Coahuila. And Jalisco, despite the commitment is almost done building another acute, while leaving the already “working” one in dire straits.
    As a more especulative thought: One of these “professionals” can always manipulate the consenting relative or the patient to leave under their own strict responsability, even after the patient was precisely deprived of life or liberty because he was incapable of being responsible about the well being of him or herself and others. Following the patriarchal, paternalistic, ilegal, pseudoscientific disableist rethoric, as my opinion, not as a fact.
    I even guess, as fantasy, that in this particular insitution they don’t record and don’t have a scientifically validated tool to asses the dangerousness to others or to self. Just opinions rarely written, let alone justified, as the law, as far as I understand requires it. It is after all in the constitution as some form of due process that the health Law commits, in my opinion, a fraud on the Law on the constitution. I have read a legal opinion along those lines, never published, it was thrown out of the record.
    And the health Law states is a reglamentary one, meaning it’s just supposed to deal with the right to health, not deprivation of liberty, which is covered in another constitutional article, and that sounds to me also as fraud on the law. I am no lawyer and giving no legal or medical analysis nor advice.
    It is a reglamentary law, by it’s own words, not an organic law, that in legal theory can and should cover ALL constitutional articles upon which it “impinges”. Unlike a reglamentary one that should deal ONLY with the exclusive constitutional right under consideration. This health law even also considers the penalty for drug trafficking and posession! which is a CRIMINAL, not an administrative nor civil offense…
    And that applies, following some legal theory, to any law that derives from the health law, including the one dealing with psychiatric ambulatory care and hospital care. To my mind, it is the continued violation of law making jurisprudence and theory. Of legislative law, in short, commited by the Mexican Federal Congress. Still, and probably in the distant future, to remain in the books..
    And way worse when one considers it delegates the law making process of this Health Law, in practice organic law, in name a regulatory one, not to Parliament or Congress, but to the Executive!. Which in my country in the health area has been proven incompetent, unwilling and complicit in even administrative law cases….
    Recently the drug and regulatory health agency was intervened by the “marines”, like the FDA was taken over by the US Army…

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    • Whoever You Are, you do have a lot of knowledge and I’m sorry that I’m having trouble understanding all of it. You mentioned relatives staying with the patient in a facility in India. Interesting. Regarding our sweet daughter who was so damaged by the regressive and cruel paradigm , I had thought that we, her family, could have been very helpful if we could have stayed, at least part-time, in a well thought environment with her. However, the current system frequently blames the family and is too adversarial. There are so many ways that her downward spiral, the piling on of iatrogenic damage, could have been prevented if the medical-psychiatric system was not adversarial and used different approach and principles. The means of survival are under attack by profit motive. The tried and true social arrangements of mutual caring become illegal in the predominating paradigm. The current system terrorizes families.

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      • I am an early retired physician with some posgraduate education, clinical and in scientific research. Survivor of psychiatry, clinical psychology, family violence and mobbing. A little more controversialy, victim otherwise of the judiciary, local and federal (mildly, and in this last case redressed) and of a human rights commision (maybe two). Among others 🙂
        On the other hand, I did had the most amazing friends, partners, colleagues, schoollmates, profesors, etc, however briefly. Both in presence and online. And some other lucky charms of a more personal kind.
        As for my comment, from reading in the news, personal experience, knowledge and reading narratives of survivors here in the MIA website I do suspect, not giving medical, legal or otherwise analysis or advice, that some patients are actually let go of psychiatric facilities precisely because their life is at higher risk when they suffer some complications like akathisia.
        And if the hospital is ill-equipped, unwilling or underesourced to care for a “high demand/high risk” patient in an emerging treatment related situation, maybe callously they are “let go”, like they somehow “won” or “earned” their freedom, without telling the patient or their relatives they actually now represent a bigger risk to themselves and to others.
        And on top of that, the relatives accept that new higher risk under the relative’s strict responsability, since the release is made to appear as promoted by the patient and/or the relatives, not because of a treatment complication that the hospital is unable or unwilling to handle…
        The argument for my idea, I am and was not making a factual statement, but an especulative argument, was basically that. The rest of what I wrote in that comment has to do with a series of news reports about a single psychiatric hospital and some changes in the law, that at least to my fantasy prone mind, lend support to my argument, for, at least, journalistic investigation.
        And fear induces in some relatives compliance, acquiescence even complicity in coercive treatments and diagnoses. The litany, parable of horribles thrown on some families, I imagine has to be shocking, particularly when provided without context as to WHY bad outcomes in psychiatry actually happen.
        Besides alienating and isolating the patient from his or her family, leaving him or her without an effective advocate, even outside the hospital. Among other bad outcomes, like homelesness. drug abuse, victimhood of violence, persecution, incarceration and chronic unemployment.
        I could not agree more, it is definitely terrorizing even for the most stoic families and/or individuals. And with little resources outside lawsuits to try to avoid any bad outcome.

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        • “And if the hospital is ill-equipped, unwilling or underesourced to care for a ‘high demand/high risk’ patient in an emerging treatment related situation, maybe callously they are ‘let go,’ like they somehow ‘won’ or ‘earned’ their freedom, without telling the patient or their relatives they actually now represent a bigger risk to themselves and to others.
          And on top of that, the relatives accept that new higher risk under the relative’s strict responsability, since the release is made to appear as promoted by the patient and/or the relatives, not because of a treatment complication that the hospital is unable or unwilling to handle…”

          Well, that’s exactly what’s happening, at least it happened to me. Massive, and varied, anticholinergic toxidrome poisonings didn’t allow a now FBI convicted doctor, and his psychiatric “snowing” partner in crime, to use this former organ donor, for parts.

          But since they couldn’t kill me, and my insurance was wise enough to not agree to never ending psychiatric torture, as the hospital psychiatrist had hoped. I was released to deal with the subsequent ‘drug withdrawal induced super sensitivity manic psychosis,’ initially with a different psychiatrist – who was seemingly embarrassed by all I’d been put through – so he left me alone, and at home, to deal with that rather frightening, drug withdrawal induced situation.

          Thankfully, in my case, it largely just took the form of awakenings to my dreams, and a born again type situation … so I largely escaped. But I do know it is not as easy for others, and it wasn’t easy for me.

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      • To my mind, the health care system continues and abuses the information and power imbalance that precisely promotes and continues the abuses and outcomes mentioned.
        But it is not just the health care system. Here at MIA, or from it, I’ve read the media and the law making authorities seem to contribute too.
        A few months ago, even a congresswoman in Mexico, was reported in a major newspaper, as saying that it was the obligation of the family to keep patients with “mental illness” locked up in their “houses”, instead of being in the street. Denying sufferers several of their human and constitutional rights.
        The context of the congresswoman’s comment was the change in the mexican law to start closing the psychiatric hospitals and provide hospital psychiatric care in hospitals like the rest, that is for the non-psychiatric patients.
        My interpretation of the comment of the congresswoman is that somehow the “state” is also promoting the view, behaviours and results I mentioned above. By ignorance, deception, prejudice, fear, spite or even hate. As my opinion. not as a fact.
        Seems to me more systemic thant the health care system and the practitioners, without denying their, to my mind, dominant responsability.

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  3. As another egregious example from my country:
    I have never seen a physician’s office, a clinical laboratoy, an X-ray or CT facility, or a pharmacy to have the original of the university diploma AND the license, medical, clinical chemistry, pharmacy or radiological one. As the law mandates without giving any excuse to not having THE originals, just the photocopies, which is what I have seen.
    Even in really big chains of pharmacies and clinical/radiological laboratories!. Like REALLY big and famous!.
    A cursory journalistic walk through enough facilities, to my mind, would corroborate that.
    And the health authority seems delinquent, to me, as my opinion, in enforcing not just the literal meaning of the law, but the spirit of it.
    Maybe they would justify themselves with closing a facility when given the urgency of closing one, they do not have, as most times is, any other evidence of wrongdoing and damages to close “ipso facto” said facility. Like we look the other way on such violations of the law, by using it as a nuclear option, sort of way. Implicit corruption would be my opinion, by the health delegated law making “body”, regulatory and supervisory authority.
    Heck! I’even worked in facilities were the “responsible professional” never sat a foot!. As law requires for them to be AT LEAST 8hrs per day, 5 days a week.
    Corroborating that would require more of a journalistic “stake out”, but that might be, illegal. I am no lawyer, not giving medical nor legal advice nor analysis.

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  4. Hi John (hope you get to read this)

    “My two letters to the Brigadier begging him to be alone in the cell have gone missing from my penal dossier. I know the letters existed because l had two meetings with the Brigadier to discuss them, where he minimised my unease and distress and refused to place me in a cell alone. I don’t know to this day if, in the proceedings that the mother of Cedric brought against the prison authorities, the letters were presented to the magistrates at the hearing. I know the two letters are missing from my penal dossier because I have asked for a copy of this dossier and in it the two letters are nowhere to be found. I wonder if the letter from Cedric was presented before the magistrates.”

    The letters being removed from your dossier is called “editing” in Australia.

    Strangely, you would think that when speaking with your ‘legal representatives’ of the existence of such material, that they would ensure that such mitigating evidence was secured and produced for the courts to ensure a fair and just outcome (for all?). Not so. What I found was that my ‘legal representatives’ were more than prepared to conspire to pervert the course of justice with the criminals posing as public officers, and who were concealing their misconduct from the relevant authorities.

    Police more than happy to provide material assistance to people who could do them a few favors with their ‘treatments’, and concealment of misconduct. They were more than obliging in ensuring that the documents I had were not received by them, while the hospital committed a large number of offences to ensure inaction on the human rights abuses (ie arbitrary detention and acts of State sanctioned torture). How clever of them to threaten and intimidate my wife to provide them with ‘assistance’.

    The good news is that such “editing” of documentation to manipulate outcomes and pervert and obstruct the course of justice is not necessarily condoned by all of those in authority. Whilst it is true that ‘while the cats away the mice turn to rats’, every once in a while someone who values a rule of law deals with such organised criminals operating within the ‘system’. They live with the fear of their misconduct being exposed for the rest of their lives.

    I don’t know if you have ever read Frantz Fanons “Wretched of the Earth”, but he makes mention of “the elegant method of overcoming resistance”. The lawyer and psychiatrist working together to exploit the relationship of ‘trust and confidentiality’ they should have extended to their ‘client’ used as a means of extracting confessions, and as Fanon tells us, not a single one of their clients not sent to the guillotine, whilst they laughed about the gullibility of their victims.

    I was truly shocked myself to find out that my ‘legal representatives’ had in fact been working with the authorities to conceal the human rights abuses documented in my file, while police attempted to retrieve the “proof” for the State while they made plans to ‘unintentionally negatively outcome’ me. I can only begin to imagine the reaction of our Chief Psychiatrist to the lawyers forging a letter in his name after drafting a complaint for me, and assuming that the “proof” had been retrieved by the criminals at the hospital (yes, they are criminals, though well positioned to avoid detection with the levels of negligence providing them with opportunity to conceal their criminal conduct See Goffmans Cooling the Mark re ‘white collar criminals’ using position, unlike the hustler who uses poise).

    The matter was to go no further……. except having documented proof of the Chief Psychiatrist uttering with known fraudulent documents may have caused a few people to be a little concerned about “who else has seen the documents?”, when I presented the proof to police, who find such truths a justification for referral to the criminals for ‘treatment’ (I know, the threats to witnesses means “it never happened”. We wouldn’t want the public aware that police are using arbitrary referrals to ‘friendlies’ at ‘mental health’ as a weapon to conceal their misconduct. Best they cover that up along with the torture) Having the proof enough of a concern for police to have my laptop stolen to find out who I had been communicating with, and how much they had figured out……. some pretty clever cookies here at MiA right?

    Take a close look at the people claiming to ‘represent’ you is what I am suggesting. They may actually be tipping off the authorities about what needs to be “edited” before they, as your representative, take a look. The benefits of throwing people under the bus for the State much greater than anything you can provide to them. My ‘legal representatives’ receiving a large increase in their State funding…….though proving that the perverting the course of justice was linked to such monetary benefit difficult ….. unless you can use torture to extract the ‘truth’. And well, given these ‘lawyers’ are concealing it from public view for the State, they would be well aware of the possibility

    I noticed that my claim that I had been ‘spiked’ with date rape drugs before Police caused an “acute stress reaction” and then handed over for interrogation by a Community Nurse went from being a series of serious criminal offences (and human rights abuses) to a paranoid delusion with a little bit of “editing” by the FOI Officer at the hospital (documents such as Forms and a ‘prescription’ for the date rape drugs forged by the Community Nurse and Senior Medical Officer with this perverting justice in mind…. mens rea?)….. my ‘legal representatives’ negligence providing the window of opportunity for my truth to be made into evidence of my ‘illness. They could then lay into me with their boots by forging a letter from the Chief Psychiatrist in response to the complaint they so willingly helped me to draft…..trust in haste, regret at leisure.

    Hi to the people at the Mental Health Law Centre who are providing material assistance to the State in regards to concealment of State sanctioned arbitrary detentions and torture (and the uhummm ‘negative outcomes’ in the E.D). They can slander me, but the truth is in the documents not in the slander directed at the victim right? Our Minister for Mental Health quoted in the Hansards as responding to research that nearly 50% of women in mental institutions were being sexually assaulted by saying “You can’t listen to them, they’re mental patients”. What a great way to use an ad hominem attack huh? And our ‘Chief Psychiatriost rewriting the law to remove the protections afforded the community? Anyone here care to check the nutjobs claim? I thought not. Might be best we don’t know about that right…… “negligence is an extreme thing” (Hagakure)

    Though they simply neglect to examine the truth, and can justify living their lies.

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    • I did had the impression, as a rhetorical device, uh uh, that politicians and officers of the law with knowledge about the abuses you just mentioned, didn’t only turn a blind eye to the whole situation, but actually encoraged and actively permitted the continuation of the illegal and abussive status quo. I had the impression from loose comments and associations that within the medical field, some ‘pros’ actually do the character assesination jobs, with tools you suggested, on patients, relatives, and critically those within the medical profession that stand up against such abuses.
      But, given its nature, I’ve had difficulty in being part of the exchange of specific information that corroborates that, from those involved in such “work”, on the inside so to say.
      Buy I did had a comment that even the “decent folks” use such covert drugging and “diagnosis” on other “colleagues”, precisely to avoid the involvement of the law enforcement apparatus, even in apparent cases, we all are innocent until proven guilty, of torture, murder attempt, etc. Doing the dirty laundry in house…
      But, returning to my point, I did believe that tolerance and complicit behaviour, active or passive, was precisely because the ‘pros’ serve a hitman job, following the narrative, that politicians and law enforcers, at least, make active use of.
      And your narrative and opinion matches my belief, my impressions, loosely formed as it is, and were.
      Thanks for your comment, at least tells me, I am not the only one believing that, even if as stated, I haven’t come up with clear testimonials on it.
      Although I do have some “papers” that suggest that in a more personal way, at least the complicitness, against the law, by acction AND omission, by personnel very similar, maybe identical to the one you described, in another country, of course.

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      • I remember the ‘disappearance’ of the written complaint I made whilst unlawfully held in the locked ward.

        I made an allegation in that complaint regarding public sector misconduct by a particular doctor. Even putting the section of the Corruption Act in that complaint.

        The written complaint was then given to the doctor concerned, and he disposed of it in the rubbish bin.

        What he wasn’t aware of was that I had requested and received a copy of the complaint, and when I was released from the ward (the same day) I pursued the complaint with the hospital authorities.

        I ask you to consider the consequences of you having copies of the letters you describe disappearing John, and the authorities not having their copies.

        It is an offence under the Corruption Act (s.171) to dispose of or make illegible ANY document that MAY be required by the Corruption Commission (punishable by 3 years prison). Given that I had specifically made a complaint that should require forwarding to the Commission, I think (in fact I know) the doctor had committed a serious offence by disposing of it.

        The Complaints Officer did an ‘investigation’ and lied to me (in writing) about how the nurse had not done as was required and placed the complaint in the appropriate tray. This was confirmed as a lie by the nurse. The Complaints Officer then requested a copy of my copy so that they could go back, insert the document, and conceal the offence by the doctor.

        I asked my lawyer whether I should give them a copy of the document they claimed to have ‘lost’, and was told “I’d be reluctant to say yes”. I therefore did not provide them with a copy…… and sop they simply ignore the offending.

        Still, when your “editing” realities, and disposing of anyone with a valid complaint in the E.D., while the authorities look the other way, such corruption becomes rampant. As can be confirmed by most people within the ‘system’.

        The big problem where I was concerned was I still had the documented proof, and could therefore not be slandered as nutjob. Or more to the point, the facts demonstrated serious criminal offending, but the focus was on the victim of the crimes making the complaint. “Negligence is an extreme thing” Hagakure.

        27/2017
        “that politicians and officers of the law with knowledge about the abuses you just mentioned, didn’t only turn a blind eye to the whole situation, but actually encoraged and actively permitted the continuation of the illegal and abussive status quo.”

        I can certainly say that was the impression I got, and in fact some police and others actually enjoy ‘baiting’ victims to enrage them and justify their tranquillization and early demise….. but can I prove it? If I could they would dispatch police to ensure I couldn’t. Nothing that the National Socialist’s didn’t do once they had co opted the Police Service.

        27/2017
        “that even the “decent folks” use such covert drugging and “diagnosis” on other “colleagues”, precisely to avoid the involvement of the law enforcement apparatus, even in apparent cases, we all are innocent until proven guilty, of torture, murder attempt, etc. Doing the dirty laundry in house…”

        I have often thought it would be interesting to examine some of the complaints to the ‘authorities’ about the child raping priests. The doctor I mention above ideally positioned to deal with anyone complaining about his colleagues as a Catholic Priest AND a Public Sector psychiatrist. Consider that the claim was that some of these deviants had raped more than 300 children, and no one seems to have managed to even make a complaint? No one saw anything?

        I think after what I have witnessed, I can see quite easily how these victims have been silenced, and subjected to further abuses. Many of them pushed to suicide as a result of what the Operations Manager calls “fuking destroying” anyone with a valid complaint.

        So yes, 27/2017, I can see that the “decent folks” (enablers) need to ensure that their roles in such cover ups are never exposed. I note that in my Book, it speaks of holding together by the ‘thread’ of God. I’ve also noticed that these criminals seem to be the ones holding tight together ….. my question becoming; does this make them Gods people? Or is it the negligence of those with a duty to act who are the ‘good guys’ but afraid to speak because they too will be targeted?

        Hypocrites.

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        • I think foremost it is the responsability of the supervisors, i.e., the authorities above the suspect: priests, police, physicians, etc., to correct, prosecute or restore whatever fault, suspicion of crime, etc., is commited.
          I don’t think it is that reasonable to expect for the suspect to actually call on him or herself for his or hers transgression/s. Even if I were that optimistic about human nature, the statistics would prove me way wrong.
          And a long ago, an administrator at a police hospital told me they had to have one only for policepeople because physicians are less than caring when one policepeople actually investigates or arrests one of their colleagues. I was told that actually, in not so clear terms, but clear enough to not leave room for other interpretation. Not justifying police’s omissions, that is the job, but it does give some context to how bad the thing looks and looked to me.

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    • Boans – I could not help but notice the serious overlap between both of your stories. I think it points to the clear truth of it all and you two stand to validate each other.

      I never doubted it but through this kind of shared experience the truth becomes incontrovertible.

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      • Not a competition, just trying to make a trio out of a dupla.
        I have seen a certified copy from a human rights comission, that as I understand, by its documentary nature, certifies a “mutilated” clinical record. The missing parts of such record are precisely those that suggest, hopefully prove, torture and direct clear violations of the law.
        When this particular comission was confronted with that the reply was: “I am the one who has to ‘investigate’ what happened with the clinical record”. By a female HR’s worker in a very whinny, pleady and at times aggessive tone of voice. Later the talk became even more confrontational, even deniying that a HRs victim actually is entitled to the constitutional and HR of access to the TRUTH, or that it was in part the obligation of said HRC to contribute to that.
        Despite the fact that this HRC saw the then complete record and I guess made a copy or enough annotations to prove now such mutilattion.
        But guess what? That HR record was actually destroyed or sidestepped by creating a new record for the same complaint!. Even the new record says it is a new one created because of the HRC’s incompetence. So I guess it is fair to say it was altered by creating a new one, out of the same facts and findings. To now give a wrong and to my mind concealing, covered up understanding of the volations not only of HR, but of the law.
        So, to my mind, negligence sometimes might be used to conceal criminality. Negligence is as fars as I know a lesser offense and requires proving damages than the formal offense of altering or destroying the or a public record…

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  5. Thank you for speaking out, John. The world needs to hear from those of us who have been force drugged, incarcerated, etc.

    It is so painful, and something I wrestle with every day, to know that I caused harm when I was being harmed by psychiatry. I have an adult son who can’t forgive me for the things I did when he was a child. I would give anything to undo the harm I caused, and I know he bares the pain of those early experiences. I ricochet between fully blaming myself (“you really are a terrible borderline just like they say!”) and getting so angry because I was harmed, victimized, drugged, brain shocked, abused. I was verbally abused in a locked psych ward where I spent the last five months of my pregnancy (sent there for the crime of being homeless). Who verbally abuses a pregnant woman? A psych nurse, she did it every day with no consequences.

    Anyway, I’m sorry for the rant. This is the legacy of coercive and forced psychiatry. We need to tell the truth about it, to anyone who will listen. Thank you again.

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  6. John,

    Thank you for your friendship over the last few years, I know we have not conversed much but the value of it transcends its quantitative stature due to the seriousness of what we are both experiencing, especially you. I am very grateful to you for everything you have shared. The honesty provokes value beyond words.

    I find myself trying to bring into perspective and conscience some of the most serious and unpleasant acts imaginable both bestowed upon us by other and society – and the subsequent or cascading actions and thoughts we participate in as a result. The very clear truth that emerges are two things when I try and reconcile all this(which is the very foundation of being human).

    1. What is happening to us physically(the treatments, forced and otherwise), the ideology, and the societal repercussions and circumstance is all very real. I have found that there is absolutely no grounds for anyone to deny even the most exotic or viscerally bizarre experiences we have reported. I have seen the same stories reported over and over again and have experienced at least in part myself, most of them.

    2. When left to reconcile the death, pain suffering and torture that it represents – I have come to understand that there is a time for all things under the sun. For those that perpetrate these acts against us, it is an exposition of the state of humanity and for those of us left holding the bag of the horrors and the acts we perpetrate as a result – we are an example and an evidence. This is to say, all these things have a purpose and a place – one that represents the face of creation.

    We may toil over these things but the truth is that we cannot deny that this is creation and existence. I thought that I could rise above it and be something greater than what was going on around me but I failed and am left to contemplate my role in it all and what I am meant for, and what I am meant to learn. It seems clear that if we act in good conscience that we can be proud of ourselves. Someone on the outside may see horrible things and condemn us but the rub is that they will face their day of participation in humanity as well.

    This is all to say that only you have experienced the honesty of what you have gone through and it is only you that can find peace from it and reconcile what you need to in that respect. No one else can do it for you. You should feel free to do so. Every faith discusses taking human life and every faith finds exception for it in some context, there is always war and hardship among every culture. Do not feel apprehensive or unworthy of seeking it as well, with an open heart and mind. My thoughts are on the hardship of our age and how to understand it, as every age is different but we endeavor to find peace through all of them.

    I hope my words find meaning for you, I can’t thank you enough for sharing your story.

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    • Dear James,
      I find solace in your words.
      There is, nearby, a ski resort called Metabief. When one is at the cumulative point of the resort looking down, you can see the Alps in a magnificent view and sky. This is a metaphor for our condition. Perhaps the long climb to the top is arduous and difficult but through the suffering we have the recompense of knowing our own narrative and our truth and lives. I feel the need to express my life, how l see it, from the viewpoint that is my own, there for the grace of God go l. The advantage of being in truth with oneself is a complete absence of fear because l know intimately that I have never wished harm to anyone. Perhaps through the suffering we gain lucidity that is profitable for our humanity and that of others.
      I remain your friend,
      John.

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  7. And I can think now, how strong we are, not only particularly but every human. As I see it requires so much money, effort, criminality, lies, violence, denial, publications, corruption, complicity, omissions, distortions and technology (in medications, arquitecture, guns, computers, telephones, ambulances, etc.) to TRY to bring even one of us down. With all the cost that actually requires just one of those things, just one. Even if at scale, it lessens the cost per “unit of suffering”…
    If I were to guesstimate how much just money was put into an attempt on one of us, I imagine that money put into something else, into someone else, into some other cause, might have saved at least another? life. Maybe a minor that had nothing to eat, a vaccine that didn’t get applied, a job that never went to a worker, a mother with no roof over her head, an elder with no one to talk to. A railguard that might have avoided a fall.
    Talk about being vulnerable or “deficient” as a “cause” of MI.

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  8. Thank You for this Article, John.
    I was offered the option of abrupt withdrawal from strong Psychiatric Drugs (by my then psychiatrist) many years ago and it resulted in 4 hospitalizations in 5 months, 1 suicide attempt and 1 near miss.

    Akathisia is not the patients responsibility – it’s the doctors.

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      • Thanks John,
        I had been genuinely disabled as a result of Psychiatric drug treatments between 1980 and 1984.

        But, after the disastrous attempted abrupt Drug withdrawal (in 1983/1984) I undertook my own slow drug taper – and was successful.

        My main problem at the time had been an almost disabling “High Anxiety” (which I had never experienced before). But, I managed to figure out how the “High Anxiety” worked, and what I could do about it, and I was able to survive independendtly as a result.

        Professor Harry Kennedy of the “Central Mental Hospital” (Irish Times June 30, 2018) stated – ‘..the typical patient to be a man with schizophrenia that stops taking their medication and goes on to kill a family member, usually a parent…’
        ..BUT this is ONLY HALF the STORY.

        …I tried to kill myself when I attempted to abruptly stop taking drugs suitable for “Schizophrenia” (in 1984) – but made my own successful Longterm Recovery (1984 to 2023) with a tapered approach.

        I believe a perfectly well person to begin with; abruptly stopping drugs “suitable” for “Schizophrenia”; could go mad enough to kill themselves or somebody else.

        This is what DOCTORS are NOT ACKNOWLEDGING.

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      • Thanks John,
        I had been genuinely disabled as a result of Psychiatric drug treatments between 1980 and 1984.

        But, after the disastrous attempted abrupt Drug withdrawal (in 1983/1984) I undertook my own slow drug taper – and was successful.

        My main problem at the time had been an almost disabling “High Anxiety” (which I had never experienced before). But, I managed to figure out how the “High Anxiety” worked, and what I could do about it, and I was able to survive independendtly as a result.

        Professor Harry Kennedy of the “Central Mental Hospital” (Irish Times June 30, 2018) stated – ‘..the typical patient to be a man with schizophrenia that stops taking their medication and goes on to kill a family member, usually a parent…’
        ..BUT this is ONLY HALF the STORY.

        …I tried to kill myself when I attempted to abruptly stop taking drugs suitable for “Schizophrenia” (in 1984) – but made my own successful Longterm Recovery (1984 to 2023) with a tapered approach.

        I believe a perfectly well person to begin with; abruptly stopping drugs “suitable” for “Schizophrenia”; could go mad enough to kill themselves or somebody else.

        This is what DOCTORS are NOT ACKNOWLEDGING.

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  9. I’m so sorry you went through this. Absolutely Victorian the way they treat you and others. They deny the mentally distressed have any self-awareness of their condition then act surprised when they were right about it. Part of it is sadism on their behalf and also pride. You are absolved of what happened. You tried to warn them, you were ignored and not yourself (which I know is beautiful). They’re guilty, not you.

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  10. I am dismayed by the lack of honesty of the people you describe. I guess the brigadier destroyed the letters warning you couldn’t stand the drug withdrawal so that he wouldn’t be considered as responsible for what remains HIS mistake, not taking seriously the effects of withdrawal. I am dismayed by the lack of honesty of the psychiatrist who considers the dyskinesia as not linked to the drugs he forces you to take. I have always lived in France and didn’t know the psychiatric system in my country could be so oppressive. Thank you for opening my eyes and peace. I have shivers thinking of what they do to you. Peace.

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  11. John, I wonder if tou might perhaps appeal the decision of involuntary commitment.
    I am not totally able to know who could make you out of jail. But I know there are ways to appeal, depending of who decided the involuntary commitment. Anyway, you could get a lawyer (try for instance https://www.ccdh.fr/vos-droits/droits-et-voies-de-recours-vos-droits/vous-faire-assister-par-un-avocat/ ; they advise you should take a lawyer specialized in the field of health) and the lawyers fees and expenses should be reimbursed by the “aide jurictionnelle” (https://www.pratique.fr/aide-juridictionnelle.html) since you don’t work I think.But I’m not trying to give you false hope. You’ll have the stigma of the schizophenic who has already kiiled for the rest of your life. It’s just that, perhaps, you didn’t try everything to get of your psychiatric jail.

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