Thursday, July 29, 2021

Comments by Christine Burnett

Showing 13 of 13 comments.

  • Thanks, Mr. Brown for doing the interview. Safe housing, regular meals and understanding are critical to an improved mental state. So much money is spent on programs that are detrimental to people’s Mental Health. The money would be better spent on safe housing and food.
    There needs to be a better understanding of mental health problems before Mental health programs that do help can be developed. Mr. Brown and others with lived experience can increase understanding if people listen.

  • Hi,
    I just want to speak to ¨hanging around for a year waiting for it all to nicely play out in a civilized fashion¨. This is another issue that I touch upon but didn’t fully explain in my blog. I didn’t stick around because I was so naive that I thought an abusive person could become nice and there would then be happy ending. After all, I worked for the Department of Social Services, and in that capacity, I worked on child welfare cases with physical abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence, etc. I saw people remain in or return to abusive situation regularly.
    I didn’t understand why this happen but figure there was something going on psychologically that was the driving force behind it. In my view, if it was just naïveté, it wouldn’t be so wide spread; nor would naïveté be enough to keep someone in a dangerous or abusive situation.
    My experience explained the problem to me.
    As mentioned in my blog, simply leaving become difficult when there is both unresolved issues and an significant emotion connected to them. Early on in my conflict and not gradually, but suddenly, I felt a strong amount of emotion upset and didn’t have the closure that would allow me to release it. It’s the emotion that can’t be release that causes someone to become tied to an abusive relationship.
    My friends were actually a small part of my life. Initially, I didn’t understand myself why I had become tied to Bill and obsessed with the problem. But it wasn’t a belief that I could resolve the conflict or a need to resolve the conflict. It was a need to have some answers for Bill’s and others conduct.
    When working in a Domestic Violence Unit, I had a client whose abuser attacked her with a axe and fractured her skill. He went to prison. After he was released, she saw him on the street and although she had a order of protection forbidding contact, she went over to talk because she wanted to ask him why he did it. I understood why she would do that. She was struggling with a major psychological problem. It’s not that she wanted a relationship with him, it’s that she didn’t want to be stuck with a major psychological problem that she would have for life. The psychological problem drove her behavior.
    After I stopped contact with Bill, I continued contact with mutual friends. It wasn’t because they were nice to me. I was being attacked by them. It wasn’t because I liked being attacked while I was struggling with a major psychological problem. I didn’t. It was because I needed answered to avoid being saddled with a major psychological problem for the rest of my life.
    Unfortunately, although the general public has trouble understanding how someone could be psychologically injured and then tied to the person who injured them, I notice that some abusers have learn how to go about creating such a psychological problem for their victims and purposely do so. In training for my job, I saw a interview, on film, of a man talking about how he handled women. He said he would wait for an attachment with the women to form then purposely abuse the women to cause psychological injury for them and give him control. He said, this created a situation where the women wouldn’t leave and he was able to treat them as he pleased.

  • Unfortunately, I think it´s true that people in the helping professions dońt know how to help and eventually give up. I worked as a caseworker in Adult Protection because there I providing concrete assistance with income, housing, etc. I didn’t understand the psychological problems I saw or know how to help. People with lived experience need to help educate. That´s why I wrote the blog.

  • Hi, I didńt write in the Blog my many reasons for not going to the mental health system for help. But I was certain from theories and therapies I hear in training, and the treatment provided my to clients while working in DSS, that the Mental Health System would be a hindrance, not a help. I, definitely, do not regret the decision. I think the Mental Health System is a hindrance to recovery and Ím sure has worsen many people mental health. The problem is a lack of understanding of the social problems in society and how people are emotionally effected. Even if I point out how damaging certain societal problem are. Even if I point out the symptoms of trauma. People have trouble believing or accepting that the traumatized individual is having a normal reaction.

  • I wasn’t suggesting that anyone who is abused should forgive and forget. The efforts I made to keep him from going over the edge were because I didńt want to be threaten, harassed or possibly attacked. I didn’t want to move. As it was, I was stalked.
    Not only did I end my relationship with Bill but I ended my relationship with anyone associated with Bill. I didń´t mean that people should be sympathetic to an abuser. The mutual friends I had with Bill, they knew about abuse Bill directed towards women and kept it secret. I wouldńt have been part of the group if I was aware of it. When they learned of my problem with Bill, they referred to him as a sick puppy but still followed his lead and attached me.
    On the surface, the friend group was polite and they consider themselves nice people. I never would have thought, they would behave as they did. That´s why it messed with my mind.
    It´s impossible to know how best to deal with societal problems without knowing why they occur. So I do believe in looking at why people become abusive and why people attach to and follow an abuser.

  • There’s quite a bit regarding this conflict that I didn’t put in the blog. As it is, I went over 3000 words. I don’t feel that I used much of what is currently promoted in “modern psychology”; its theories, research, or therapy to understand or deal with my situation. I feel that “modern psychology” promotes many theories and therapies that are actually detrimental to mental health. So, I stayed away from it. Instead, I used self-examination to understand how my brain functioned, then used what I discovered to understand the behavior of others. It took a long time, but with a severe mental injury, recovery is going to be long because the brain works through emotion at its own speed. I don’t know of a way to speed it up.
    I understand that there are so many flaws in our mental health system that people think it should be eliminated. But I feel that it needs to change. Because a severe mental injury isn’t just feeling some distress. It’s much more serious, and the people who suffer it, need support.
    I don’t believe anyone is born with a genetic predisposition to abuse. Bill knew he had a psychological problem and was in therapy. Maybe if therapy was improved, Bill’s psychological problem wouldn’t have become as deep and dark as it did. Maybe he wouldn’t have play out his psychological problems on women injuring them. Maybe with better treatment, there would be less abusers.

  • Thanks for the supportive comments. I took a lot of heat for not seeking help through the Mental Health System. In particular, people didn’t like that I wouldn’t acknowledge that I had a mental illness. I would agree that I had a psychological problem. However, the problem wasn’t a genetic or biological abnormality of the brain in my view. Also, I didn’t think I should just drug myself into numbness. As I said in my blog, I thought that would interfere with recovery. I explained my view to people but it didn’t go over well.

    In terms of some people having a higher sensitivity than others. I don’t think that some people have a genetic predisposition to mental injury. As I said in my blog, a mental injury (trapped in a emotional state) occurs because both the behavior is significantly upsetting and the person can’t incorporate it into what he/she understand about human behavior. When I consider children, I understand that they aren’t born understanding the many facets of human behavior. Consequently, they are more subject to injury than an adult. Probably everyone has had an mental injury in childhood but not of equal severity. I had a moderate injury in childhood. It didn’t prevent me from connecting with people and forming close, lasting relationships.

    My problem with Bill resulted in severe injury. The severe injury educated me on the symptoms of trauma and explained a lot of behavior that I had seen in people but never understood. In addition, I couldn’t connect with people while I had the psychological problem. It’s harder for people to hurt you when you don’t feel a connection to them. I read an article once where the writer said “you can’t kill me, I die years ago” (referring to a psychological death). My point is that some people are going to be more or sometimes less subject to mental injury based on the depth of their understanding of human behavior and the psychological state they’re in when the trauma occurs.

    I had many people attacking me while I was trying to recover. Some of the people were friends unrelated to Bill and that circle. I never became stuck in the emotion I felt from the attacks. I didn’t like. I felt they made it a lot harder for me to recover, but I wasn’t confused by it. So as soon as I didn’t have to deal with it, the emotion quickly dissipated.

    In regards of the severity of the mental injury, I think severe injury is the result of, one, the length of the trauma. If it happened over a long time, someone could suffer an mental injury multiple times. Naturally, that’s worse that recovering from one. Two it’s not what the trauma was, but the level of emotional stress felt at the time the mental injury happened. I didn’t emphasize that I felt my life was in jeopardy in the blog. However, I felt that if I didn’t calm Bill before leaving there was a good possibility, I would be killed. I told friends at work, if I’m found dead, he did it. I was under intense stress when the emotion became stuck and that’s why it was severe.

  • I like using the term “mental injury” as well. Certain situations will cause mental injury. Psychiatry needs a better understanding of the situations that do so. The gaslighting was the primary factor in my injury. If anyone in the group was willing to tell me the narrative that Bill was spreading and everyone was operating under, my mental injury would have been far less severe. I don’t think I would have had a significant injury at all.
    When someone has a fracture bone and goes to a doctor. The doctor doesn’t think what’s wrong with this person’s skeletal system that her leg is broke. The doctor asks “What broke your leg?”. If the person can’t remember, or is non verbal, the doctor still knows something broke the leg. The doctor doesn’t think the person’s inability to walk or the limp she may have is the problem. But in psychiatry, they focus on the limp, think there’s a biological cause for the break and the person could have prevented it with a good coping mechanism.

  • Hi, I never thought I was mentally ill or had a disorder in the sense of believing there was something fundamentally wrong with my brain. I did, and do, see the way I was affected as a normal reaction to a psychologically damaging situation. My point is that the field of psychiatry needs to increase its understanding of what a normal reaction looks like. I’m absolutely against giving out labels through DSM. Actually, I didn’t seek mental health services, in part, because I wasn’t going to allow a label placed on myself. Disorder may be the wrong word but I think my psychological state was more serious than distress would imply. I think Bill’s and the friends behavior was abusive. For me to heal, I didn’t have to like it but I needed some understanding of what was behind it.