It was in 2003, when I was 27 years old, that I had the most powerful experience of my life. After drinking a strong Chinese tea to treat my gastritis, due to constant pain derived from some problems in my childhood, I stopped sleeping and on the tenth day of almost no sleep, I had my first vision: white doves were flying in front of my window, in my nice and cosy apartment in Amsterdam, where I lived at that time, working in finances. The doves were beautiful and the world as I knew it was about to change. I sensed the unprecedented happiness, I felt full of light, and definitely in divine presence.
It was in that state of total euphoria that I landed in my first psychiatric hospital, and that was the start of my psychiatric tale. They struggled with the diagnoses (I tend to recover too quickly). It was either schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, both of the terms that inflict a terrible verdict on someone’s life. At the end they settled on “bipolar disorder.” The label stuck for a while, and I almost ended up as “disabled,” and the only thing which truly kept me alive was the absolute knowledge that, yes, the white doves were real, and yes, I am in constant dialogue with God.
It is hard to step out of the space of diagnoses because of the power it holds. The “doctor” who inflicted on you the awful label of “schizophrenia” or “bipolar” damages you because of the power he holds. The whole machine of medicalisation and of diagnoses is behind him, giving him the illusion of fake authority.
The psychiatric system is based in total fakeness, but because it is an institution supported by the Western governments, it is extremely hard to step out of its hold. The society started to take all their labels for granted, as if it means something, and should be taken seriously. Ordinary people, not understanding a single thing, start believing in such terms as “psychoses,” ”schizophrenia,” or ”personality disorder” and use it in their daily life in order to judge other people, who are usually already extremely damaged by some trauma in their lives, and then by the label provided by the psychiatrist, firmly putting the stigma on the person that “something is wrong with her/him.”
One needs to be extra smart in navigating the system. It doesn’t make sense to oppose your psychiatrist but it does make sense to outsmart the psychiatrist. I learned long ago the tactic of “nod” and “depart.” I nod to his proclamations and reassurances of my madness but then I depart and step back into my own power.
With a PhD and several other diplomas, I am smarter than any psychiatrist, and I can decide for myself what is madness and whether any diagnosis, written somewhere in someone’s notes, has any legitimacy. I read enough books and treatises to know that diagnoses are not based in any rigorous science, that most of their “medication” damages one instead of any proper healing, and that if one believes in one’s diagnosis, one is usually leading quite a miserable life.
How to step out of this damaging system into the healing space of light?
It starts with removing the label. If you ever believe in your diagnosis, you are giving the power to all those who don’t wish you well. Maybe you believe that your psychiatrist has your best interests at heart, maybe you believe that the diagnosis “helps” you to explain miseries in your life, but one day you need to wake up to its dangers. If you believe that you are “bipolar” even for a single day, you then believe in everything which comes with it.
Read the definition to understand what it means. It is written: bipolar disorder is a life-damaging illness, it is a chronic disease that can’t be healed but can be managed with the right medication. It is written: if you are bipolar you will probably die much earlier than everyone else. If you want to believe in all these things, then you are embracing your own death wish.
Wake up! Wake up to the fakeness of the label! Wake up one day and ask yourself a question: do I want to be chronically ill? Do I want to be considered as an outcast of the society for the rest of my life? Do I want to continue living a life based in misery, and die early and unhappy?
All “bipolar” people, but also those labelled with other damaging psychiatric labels are usually very light souls who have problems processing the current reality. Our current world, especially in the West, is devoid of true meaning. It is all based in believing that life is about posting constant selfies on Instagram, making more and more money (without thinking how to use it for greater good), Tinder love, and Facebook friendships and likes.
All those who struggle with accepting it as a meaningful life usually end up in some spiritual malaise, and then because of the fakeness of the whole system, where no real healing exists (apart from a few light workers), but suppression of seeing the truth, a quick diagnosis follows that inflicts even further damage on an already suffering soul.
Stepping out of the system is accepting that you are a light soul that is searching something more spiritual than a life based in material accumulations, fancy cars, and where a person’s character can be judged by the watch that he wears. If you are like me, you probably don’t notice the brands, and the watches, and you don’t understand anything in cars, because you are simply not interested.
But it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t strive for a better life, with the exception that you want something meaningful, next to a nice, comfortable house, a good car, and beautiful clothes. There is nothing wrong with wanting a better life, and a better car for that matter, but all these wishes are immediately denied to you if you accept your label. Because you start believing that something is wrong with you and that, as a result, you don’t deserve all the beautiful things that others possess, usually out of greed and unkindness to others.
Step out of that misery zone and reclaim back your power. You are probably tired and are giving up, you probably live on benefits, and claim a disability allowance. You can continue claiming all that, because, honestly, the system that inflicted on you the killing machine of a diagnosis owes you some compensation.
But while you are claiming all that, start also claiming your own inner radiance. It can start with something really simple, such as following an online course about how to improve your life. Or maybe you will follow a new vocational training, or start working for a couple of days in a café. After that, you can start exploring new things, and earn again your own money, meet the love of your life, move to a nicer house, buy a new car.
If you believe that you are chronically ill, you immediately deny yourself the right to live a happy, healthy life. It’s the diagnosis that makes you ill. Maybe you did have the mood swings, the ”doctor” is so happy to point out to you, maybe you did end up in what they call a “psychosis,” maybe you did “lose it” one day.
But maybe, your “mood swings” were your call to reach your own healing and change something radically about your life. Maybe your “psychoses” were a healing release from a terrible childhood, and maybe your “personality problems” are your way to process a mother who didn’t love you or a father or uncle who abused and betrayed you.
Step out of the system. You don’t have to proclaim it out and aloud for everyone to take note. Do it for yourself. It starts with you, not with proving to others that nothing is wrong with you. Let others, including the psychiatrists, continue leading their ordinary lives, embedded in fakeness, and denial of spirituality and any forms of magic. Let go of them. Don’t give them any power.
No psychiatrist has any power on me, because I don’t argue with them. I simply do my own thing. I ignore them. I decide on what I need as “medication,” if any, and I decide and not them, how I lead my life, and which dose of “medication” I might need at a certain point. And I, obviously, don’t believe in psychiatric diagnoses. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in some science. I know, for instance, that some medication can work, in small doses, on certain occasions. It’s psychiatry as a system that doesn’t yet (or maybe never will) know how to deal with that stuff, because of being zombified in their own treatise of checks, diagnoses, issues, conditions.
All their reassurance that you are chronically ill are lies aimed to legitimise their power. Because if you believe in their words, you start believing in your illness.
But there is no illness, and there is no chronic illness as proposed by psychiatry. It is bullshit.
One can recover from THEIR illness, and one can lead a happy and meaningful life. The main thing is to believe, to believe that you do deserve a good life, and that you can be happy.
Step out of the system, take control of your own life and your beautiful soul, and step instead into your own radiant space.
Mad in America hosts blogs by a diverse group of writers. These posts are designed to serve as a public forum for a discussion—broadly speaking—of psychiatry and its treatments. The opinions expressed are the writers’ own.