Growing up in Vancouver, I was a reclusive kid, raised on video games while my parents struggled to make a living in a new country after the Iranian revolution in 1979. More often than not during my high school years, we wouldn’t have family dinners together, and you could find me in my room for almost the entire day, escaping the harshness of reality using more…favorable forms of distraction.
In high school, I was called “mysterious,” never once letting people get to know the real me, and I frequently hopped between cliques like a ghost. Near the tail end of college, the seedling of depression (unknown to me at the time) was then planted into my very soul.
Fast forward about 13 years and the universe had found a way to prove me wrong. The boy who denounced ever finding love in this world eventually got married and even bought his first home in Los Angeles.
Throughout the past and even today, everything felt like an uphill battle. Every decision, no matter how small, was overthought to death, and it was always easier to keep quiet in social situations and let things play out than to contribute and make any kind of difference. In wishing for a drama-free life, I spent years trying to maintain a neutral stance on everything, treating everyone with equal amounts of respect and contempt, and never won the admiration of coworkers or friends. The passions and hobbies of my past were becoming chores in my adulthood. They sucked up too much valuable time, quickly sapping any energy or motivation I had left.
You might be thinking, “Suck it up buttercup, be a man and move on, it doesn’t get any easier as you get older.” And…while some of that statement is true, most of it is false. In burying my feelings and deluding myself into thinking the world was filled with nothing but misery, I robbed myself blind of finding happiness. So badly, in fact, that to this day I’ve never learned what things actually bring me joy. The system is always working against me.
Looks pretty bleak, right? Well, what if I told you that my weapon of choice for battling anxiety and depression was something that was a constant throughout all the stages of my life, hiding in plain sight? Something nobody ever mentioned works wonders?
The “Great Cheer-Upper”
Tea, a simple elixir of boiling hot water and leaves, is the world’s most socially accepted beverage. It has been sipped by royalty and commoner alike and was so important that Britain made it a priority to get tea to the front lines during World War II. As an essay on the Boston Tea Party Museum website reports,
“Tea was the great ‘cheerer-upper’ of the war….The water burners were lit in mobile tea canteens even before the flames of burning buildings were extinguished so that fire brigades and ambulance drivers might have a cup of tea as they completed their horrific tasks….Tea canteens followed the Allied troops as they crossed France and marched into Germany. Grateful communities from Wisconsin to Ceylon raised funds to sponsor these rolling tea wagons that brought a bit of home comfort to battle-weary soldiers.”
Dare I say tea was probably on the desks of all great people who shaped history, too.
And although I’ve yet to become one of those people, tea has always been inseparable from my own life. A pot was always at the ready and acted as the foundation of my morning, carrying me through to the final moments of the night.
When the pressures of life were beating down on me and there was no one around to help, a cup of tea would give me a sense of working stability to see things through. It didn’t cause any bursts of productivity or help me believe I was better in any way—it was merely a tool in my repertoire.
Chemistry, Ritual, and Empathy
Tea’s power against anxiety and depression is due partly to its mood- and energy-boosting caffeine and antioxidant contents, with the added benefit of helping to fight disease-causing free radicals. It contains thousands of natural chemical compounds that bestow both its soothing aroma and nutritional value: polyphenols, amino acids, enzymes, and minerals to name but a few.
Tea also retains an intangible, ancient aura of the posh, spiritual, and ritualistic in today’s society. Consider the complex symbolism of the Japanese tea ceremony, inspired by Zen Buddhism, with its mindful performance of steps to create a beautiful and peaceful mood.
If tea were a person, it would be the friend who silently listens to your every word, nodding and understanding, not overstepping its place as a support. It holds no prejudice; it cares not about your race, orientation, or age. When you finish that last sip at the bottom of the cup, it’s almost as if it gives you a pat on the back and tells you to keep your chin up, even when all seems lost, before grabbing its hat and coat and seeing itself out, ready to visit another day.
But its true power comes from the people behind the cup. Tea is merely the drink that brought you together. All the self-reflection and philosophizing in the world can’t beat the straight-up truth when told to you by someone you trust or love.
Sitting and Sharing
Unfortunately, traditional American society has developed a stigmatizing bias, believing that seeking help with emotional struggles is reserved only for the direst of cases. Anyone who does seek it is subconsciously or openly discriminated against as crazy or less credible than someone who “has their life together,” whatever that means.
Many people on the front lines of fighting anxiety and depression are too caught up in it all to realize that it really isn’t a bother to ask those around you for help. I can say from experience that some of them might already know something is up, based on your actions or word choices. They are simply waiting to be asked, fearful of not overstepping your boundaries and personal space.
With the act of sharing a cup of tea with someone you know and/or trust, you begin to form a way to deal with mental issues that would otherwise never be addressed. It lets you uncork and release the things that have been building up in your mind in a safe environment of your choice, (re)connecting you to people in a way that is more genuine and insightful than having a drink at the bar or at a party at your friend’s place. It provides a reason for two people to sit down and help one another, doing away with daily distractions and really giving each other the time of day.
It teaches introverts how to socialize and extroverts how to reflect.
The best part is, you might be able to help your companion’s mental state by offering advice to help them get through their own tough times, too. You might even learn that you each have a solution to each other’s problems!
The Internal War
Like many people, I hit the proverbial rock bottom at one point. As my youthful confidence and invincibility were slowly replaced by doubt and the piling on of life responsibilities, I reached a point when it seemed there was no way out. As much as I wanted to believe I was the master of my own destiny, I couldn’t help but wish something would strike from the sky and just solve all my problems overnight. Sadly, the epiphany never came, but I got something else instead: a chance to drink tea in the kitchen with my spouse.
At the time, pressures from all directions were bombarding me: my struggling start-up solo business, her desire to start a family, dismal luck in finding and holding a job for longer than a year or two. All that, and the high living expenses in LA, meant I’d become something less than a partner or contributor: I’d become a burden. The guilt ratcheted up and eventually overwhelmed me.
I soon found myself turning into a depressed and jaded old man at the tender age of 30. I’d all but given up all hope but was responsible enough not to end my own life and be done with it.
That night, over cups of Iron Goddess tea, our conversation started awkwardly. It was on the verge of becoming a full-on argument and throughout the discussion, I kept assaulting any glimmers of positivity with my worries and fears. It took a lot of time and effort to work those feelings through, and after four cups of tea between us, all the pent-up emotions were finally piled on the table for all to see under the dimmed globe lights of the kitchen island, dumped like a pile of unwanted weights from our shoulders.
I waited in worried silence for her reaction to everything that had just happened. Would she think less of me because of my weaknesses? Leave me entirely and not have to deal with my baggage? The worst-case scenarios ran through my mind as I hopped up and seated myself on the cold, granite counter a couple of feet away.
Her face showed concern. When she finally spoke, she accepted my outpouring for what it was and steeled me with words of hope beyond all logic and reasoning. As long as I promised both her and myself that I’ll take steps to fix our situation on a day-by-day basis, she reassured me that we would get through this. I dumped the last of the leaves from my teacup into the sink, heaved a big sigh of relief, and vowed to make things right again.
Power of Communication
Therapists and medication can only do so much. Therapists aren’t around every moment to intervene and offer sage advice. Medications won’t permanently fix your problems, just offer some people temporary relief from their woe. Tea, and its gentle caffeine kick, is almost always available, and unlike prescription pills, is meant to be shared.
It’s the power of human communication that is essential for us as driven, status-conscious Americans if we want to reduce the overall pressures of life. And we can’t use excuses like pride or formality (“I don’t want to be a burden”) to tiptoe around our woes.
Have I been completely “cured” of depression and anxiety because of tea? Sadly, no, but it has helped immensely.
If we’re being honest here, the self-inflicted burden I carry in my heart and mind is something that’s probably going with me to the grave, but as an adult, you learn to cope with it and work around it as much as possible. It’s mostly unavoidable if you’re living in a society that demands you to give 150% at all times, yet still requires that you remain happy and empathetic toward everyone you meet, while also knowing that you have dependents who rely on you for support.
For me (and possibly many others), depression is a war. A war that I’m in for the long haul; one that slowly degrades the mind and soul and that requires allies in order to fight back. Today, with the help of my supportive wife and a sharp therapist, I’m able to speak about my demons a little more openly. I began to realize that I’m not alone in all of this and that everyone has demons of their own to combat.
So it’s down to us to be that friend who says: “Hey, I know this is out of the blue, but let’s do tea. There’s a lot on my mind and it’d be nice to see each other again.”
Mad in America hosts blogs by a diverse group of writers. These posts are designed to serve as a public forum for a discussion—broadly speaking—of psychiatry and its treatments. The opinions expressed are the writers’ own.
Unfortunately I’m sensitive to caffeine, making tea drinking unacceptable unless I want to quarrel with friends and make an angry spectacle of myself. If I want to exchange thoughts and feelings with someone, I’d better stick to herbal teas.
And that’s perfectly okay! Tisanes and herbal teas, in different (and better) ways, actually give you more health benefits than straight tea. The fact that you are able to share it with friends is already a plus, more than a lot of people I know.
So keep the hot water flowing and expand your horizons by trying things like Hops, Ginkgo Biloba, Linden Blossom or Valerian in your next cup! They work well when taken over long periods of time against frustration, anger and general anxiety.
A major depression should be treated by tea with antipsychotics, for your information.
Thank you! Are there holistic antipsychotics that can be added? Would you know of some?
Mint is holistic and effective antipsychotic
Kind of reads as an ad for your business … but I do agree, tea is a great drink!
As a matter of fact, drinking lots and lots of tea allowed me to live through my entire, so called “manic depressive”/ “bipolar” experience, without ever experiencing the “depression” side of that supposed “disorder.”
My story, too, would be a great ad for your business. Unless I was misdiagnosed initially. Which was, of course, the reality of the situation.
Thank you for sharing your story, Leo. My best wishes to you on the success of your business.
And it is at least likely true that the gallon or so of tea I drank daily, while being massively neurotoxic poisoned. That tea did likely help my body rid itself of the neurotoxins more readily.
God bless, and best wishes.
Forgive me, as that was never the intention! In trying to approach the idea of using tea as a tool to help overcome our problems, it might have come off that way.
But, I’m elated that tea helped your situation and got you through that time. In comparison, my story might not even hold a candle to yours! If you have a story, have you shared it here?
And thank you for the kind words. It means the most during these early stages. If I could find a way to help even just one person through something with my tea, it would all have been worth it.
I need to be careful what I drink these days as a result of being ‘spiked’ with benzodiazepines without my knowledge. I have asked my government for a list of drugs that I can be spiked with, and who can authorize these spikings but they do not answer such questions, merely turn a blind eye to the practice. (so far I have ‘date rape drugs’ and a bus driver can authorise). It makes it so much easier when people can be ‘spiked’ before interrogations (and then public officers acquiesce their duty), so I don’t see the government acting to close this loophole anytime soon. Well, in fact there is no loophole, simply negligence, fraud and slander on the part of those charged with a duty to perform. How easy is it to get round these Human Rights declarations? And I, like your family will need to flee my home as a result. Because any complaints are being dealt with by refoulment, usually referred to as “unintended negative outcomes”.
Person thinks they are being drugged without their knowledge = paranoid delusion? Problem being I have the documents showing it was done, and who was aware it was done. Though the hospital sending documents to lawyers minus that proof did allow them to slander me as being a paranoid delusional. “Oh a lot of our “patients” make that claim, it’s their illness talking”. Second issue, I was not a “patient” but lets not let the truth get in the way of a torture and kidnapping.
But if I ever get beyond the trust issues I might try a cup of tea. Anything you can recommend that will cover the taste of benzodiazepines? lol
Depending on your past experiences, it seems totally justified that you would be worried about something like that. No one wants to live a life of fear, especially towards basic human necessities like food and drink!
Though I can’t speak to the spikings, if you can, surround yourself with people or an environment where you can control it as best as possible, and over time, the paranoia might subside. I was a victim of a laced drink at a bar (that was highly rated, clean and friendly too) a couple years ago and was rushed to the ER as a result. Definitely bad times.
On the note of self-diagnostics and the “system”, it’s almost impossible to have them take you seriously unless injury or crime was involved. Even touting my major depression and anxiety issues, I’m still expected to perform and survive in society. In your case, if something severe happened, don’t give up until you get closure.
As for the taste of benzodiazepines (as I’ve never had it before), I can assume it’ll have a synthetic, bitter taste? If that’s the case, natural sweeteners like Stevia would work wonders. Floral ingredients like rose and lavender do a great job of adding in flavor as well. Milk/Milk alternatives really help in taking the edge off any tea-based drink – it won’t remove it entirely, but it’ll go down easier!
Thanks for the reply Leo
“On the note of self-diagnostics and the “system”, it’s almost impossible to have them take you seriously unless injury or crime was involved.”
It is a crime to spike someones drink with a date rape drug of course, intoxication by deception. And even further if it is done with the intention of committing further offences eg sexual assault or kidnapping, stupefying with intent to commit an indictable offence.
This is where our Mental Health system can help out by appointing a doctor to you 12 hours after you were spiked by a bus driver with no prescribing rights. They can slander you as being mentally ill and call the ‘spiking’ part of the ‘treatment’. And in my instance when I managed to get the documented proof of this criminal conduct, the criminals worked together to retrieve the documents and then began distributing fraudulent documents to lawyers. I must say I was shocked that hospitals are doing this but ….. given their abject failures in these mental institutions is it really any wonder? Fraud being so much easier than ethical conduct. And with State sanction the sky is truly their limit.
All sounds crazy and of course the final line of defence has been to not look and then they don’t see. I’ve even had the police commit acts of uttering and attempt to pervert the course of justice rather than face the truth that they assisted in torture and kidnapping.
However, denied access to legal representation and all of my property because the Operations Manager at the hospital has made it clear I am marked for destruction, and she has the full support of the Minister, I guess i’ll just have to sit and watch whilst they carry our their threats.
What I find really strange is the lack of people prepared to step up and say “this is wrong”, and instead turn a blind eye while the State commits offences against the people who elect them (or at least elect some of them). I guess the real power lies in the likes of the Chief Psychiatrist who can simply ignore the law and enable carte blanche and zero accountability with negligence, fraud and slander.
I was only kidding about the taste of benzodiazepines. I’ve never taken them willingly, and I would under no circumstances provide them covertly to anyone, not even a sub human labelled “patient”. I’ve seen the damage this type of conduct can do, for example I haven’t seen my daughter or grandchildren for 9 years as a result of the need of the State to ‘cover up’ their little torture and kidnapping ‘set ups’.
Still, God leads astray who He will. I hope to leave this place soon, like Lot, and never look back. A community that treats citizens as human beings first would be high on my list. Because this slander they call mental illness is becoming a ‘go to’ in my State to conceal all sorts of governmental corruption.
Anyhow, good luck to you brother.
Hey I really like this article. You sound like me, only in male format. I’m totally into the overthinking, I have often been the “don’t rock the boat” person, and I love tea. Nice to come across your writing and it’s a bit timely for me..I was just looking to buy a little pin I saw online that had “overthinking” written on it. I can overthink the smallest of things, like labor a whole day over worrying about the consequences of sending an innocuous two sentence email or stand for an hour staring at one item I might want to buy in the grocery store wondering if I really DO need it or not..In fact you can assume I spent many hours deliberating before hitting the send button on this post…
My favorite poem is even partly about overthinking, T.S. Eliot’s poem The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock. These passages really speak to me:
“Should I, after tea and cakes and ices
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis
Though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed
Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in upon a platter
I am no prophet, and here’s no great matter
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker
And in short, I was afraid”
“Do I part my hair behind,
Do I dare to eat a peach?…
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not believe that they will sing to me”
(Hope I got that right, it’s written from memory…)
Guess it’s really quite fitting here, though your “moment of crisis” was not taken down by fear!
p.s. I have helped heal some health issues with herbal teas, the actual teas themselves can heal as well. I spent years of my life learning to forage for and identify wild plants to be taken as food and medicine, in so doing I’ve found a rather lengthy list of remedies for a variety of issues. Stinging nettle is a great friend of mine, for instance, helps my anemia, and anxiety, because it contains magnesium and oftentimes anxiety is driven by a lack thereof, and it totally stopped a symptom I had of a bad reaction to psychiatric drugs too. And about the personification of teas, in some cultures there is a literal belief that plants have their own spirit. Probably the most renowned example now is in the Amazon the famed Ayahuasca which is a combination of certain plants brewed as a kind of tea is seriously spoken of as a real person–in visions people report on the tea they often see the plant as a woman with no head (because she deals with emotions more than the intellect.)
I wish I could say I had permanently solved the overthinking issue but it still crops up again and again. It’s sort of like dealing with a game of Whack-A-Mole. Now I am trying to push through it, let go more. I keep reminding myself of quotes I have read that help me do this..For instance, I read a quote recently attributed to Florence Nightingale, she apparently once said “I attribute my success to this, I gave or took no excuse.” While the “took no excuse” bit sounds a wee bit..tyrannical to me (no offense to Florence) the “I gave no excuse” is something I’m using in moderation to make myself move past the worst instances of overthinking, so I can finally send those two sentence emails already.
Let me preface by saying thanks for hitting that send button! I’m glad it resonated and that there’s a lot of commonality between us. Believe you me about the whole overthinking thing, it feels like a necessary thing to do, and you can’t help but wonder how other people get by without doing it all the time.
As crazy as it sounds, I wanted to share a way that worked for me, and I hope it’ll make sense…
First, take things into perspective – if your mind is racing at 100mph, even acting on instant gut feeling will still be more thorough and thought-out than the average person. Next, if the consequences of your actions (the ones that weren’t thought over to death) happened, you’ll be able to handle it because you’ve mapped out all the scenarios well ahead of time. And lastly, remembering that all things are iterative (forged relationships, the act of learning and gaining knowledge, life experiences, heck…even a mid-life crisis) really helps alleviate the burden. You’re allowed to make a mistake, the universe won’t collapse on itself and doom everyone around you.
And thank you for the poem, because if that was recited from memory, that’s impressive! I’m not usually able to understand the deep meanings of poetry and art, but I’ll be damned if that didn’t highlight the internal struggle and doubt we have when faced with both hardship and opportunity.
Oh! I’d be very interested in exchanging knowledge about the plants that might help with those issues. I’ve always believed tea is a great vehicle to deliver the benefits that people might not be getting, and can be done in a way that is enjoyable to drink. Ditto on the spiritual aspects of it as well. There’s just too much potential yet to be realized!
Keep at it though, just knowing and admitting it is (to be cliche) half the battle. There will be a day we look back on this and smile, knowing we’ve come such a long way.
Hey thanks for your reply Leo, and your sage advice. It’s great to speak to someone who gets it. I’m trying to go with my gut here in more than the way of following my stomach to food.
Regarding the poem, I’m frequently stumped about poetry too, but T.S. Eliot’s was another story. Sometimes a composition will just jump out at me, I’ll find something that really speaks to me. Oddly, I got this one off a car commercial, very strange venue for poetry…I fear they did a way better job advertising the poem than the vehicle, as I can’t even remotely remember what kind of car it was…But the poem was so fitting to me that I was able to recall enough of it to track it down, even after only hearing it the one time.
Yes it would be lovely to discuss the merits of herbal teas. I noticed you had a short list of teas that help with anxiety here…all familiar to me except I’ve not tried Gingko Biloba.
I have also taken pineapple weed (Matricaria matricarioides), mullein (Verbascum thapsus–it has to be brewed in cheesecloth due to the little hairs it contains, not something you really want to drink), and chamomile for anxiety before. There are a few others I know of too but I haven’t tried them before so can’t really vouch for their sedative qualities. Personally I love pineapple weed, love the taste, but it’s so hard to find where it’s not been trampled on. (Anyone else reading this please note if you were hurt by psychiatric drugs or have a withdrawal syndrome going on, it is possible you may not be able to tolerate herbal teas. Some herbs also can’t be mixed with certain pills, or other herbs, and if you have other health issues sometimes they can’t be tolerated either. Always a good idea to research any herb before you try it to make sure it’s suitable for you, speak to a medical professional and if you take pills look into interactions between the two.) I believe there are a few others that treat anemia too. I’m sure they’ll come back to me as soon as I stop writing…
And yes hopefully we will be able to move past the overthinking to seize the day!
Thank you for the blog.
I agree tea is comfort. It slows down time.
I make tea with just any herb in my cupboard. Often I drink
turmeric tea, with pepper and honey lol.
I think changing routine, doing things against your nature are sometimes a great plus.
Like a canoe trip, playing baseball, rollercoaster rides….anything at all.
I don’t paint, not able to draw a stick person even, yet I have crayons and watercolor, paper, and I just play with colors.
People who are on psych and any other drugs reading this should consider…
There are many common food stuffs herbs and spices which inhibit Cytochrome P450: Black tea has been found to inhibit all of CYP450.
“Plenty of research suggests that drinking tea is healthful, but research also shows that black tea can have powerful inhibitory effects on the P450 drug-metabolizing system. In a laboratory study performed by Canadian researchers, black tea was found to be a more powerful inhibitor of the enzymes than single-ingredient herbal teas such as St. John’s wort, goldenseal, feverfew, or cat’s claw.5 Herbal tea blends were second only to black tea in their inhibitory effects.”
Cytochrome P450 enzymes metabolise most drugs – the enzymes activate and inactivates drugs, if you can’t inactivate drugs you become toxic. Anything that inhibits or out right blocks CYP450 will contribute to your body becoming toxic.
Good information to know, thanks for posting. St. John’s Wort is rumored to be one I’ve read you can’t combine with antidepressants.
Thanks Leo for this great article. In my experience with depression, talking with others made a huge difference. I’m not a tea person but I have shared coffee with friends I have developed who have had similar challenges in their lives. Initially I did most of my connecting in a support group that I started and to a lessor degree in a Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression program that I have led. I was inspired to help more people and eventually created http://www.SupportGroupsCentral.com where we now host over 250 meetings a month and have reached people in over 130 countries. I am also now really excited to say that we are about to launch the next version of our platform, HeyPeers.com. It will allow more spontaneous, one-on-one connections that are safe and secure. Thanks again Leo for your piece, I hope that it inspires more people to simply talk with someone who might listen, encourage and perhaps help them.
I was born in the USA, but moved to Australia late in life (post diag-nonsense)…
One of the things I love about Aussie culture (that came from the UK, I’m guessing) is how all problems can be addressed over a cuppa tea.
Car accident? Here, love, have a cuppa tea.
Cheating husband? Can I get you a cuppa tea?
Grief and loss? Let’s have a cuppa tea…
It’s not the cuppa tea so much (though I love all teas, herbal and green and black and white) – as the invitation to sit, chat, and at the end of the cuppa (or two, or three, or whatever the crisis requires), everyone is feeling better, even if the problems aren’t fixed.
Tea is community. Sharing. Communication. A safe space for emotions. (though, tea is also a bit of “stiff upper lip,” “get it together” in some circles – but I live in hope!)