The Other Side of the Cage


A month ago, I shared the story my friend Kathleen had written before she died. She had asked me to publish her words, her own suffering, on Mad in America, so that perhaps it could help someone else. When I saw the responses to her story, so many people expressed that it was too bad she wasn’t here to see the validation, support and understanding. People were asking why she didn’t share this while she was alive. There’s so many stories shared online after people have passed on due to psych meds and the broken mental heath industry.

I want to take this opportunity to share my own story and open up communication before it’s “too late.”

broken systems
Painting by Lisa Hughes

I have been diagnosed with terminal heart/lung disease, akathisia, and mast cell activation, all caused by the psych medications. I also have a plethora of health issues like frequent falls and broken bones, kidney and liver issues, and female issues, to name a few. When the symptoms from psychiatric medication withdrawal and akathisia became unbearable, I tried many non-medical treatments, supplements and natural remedies. After spending a lot of money on hope, my symptoms only became worse!

My doctor estimates that I have less than a year to live. He told me that I should prepare for transfer to a long-term care facility and/or hospice. 

I do not want to participate in these broken systems anymore. I do not want my life to end as it began, with trauma, pain and dehumanization. I really would like dignity and compassion in my final days.

It’s difficult for me to say goodbye to my two wonderful adult daughters, my three beautiful grandchildren. All of whom have always been kind, respectful and loving towards me. It will be hard to say goodbye to my friends, the people that truly did care about me and were also angry about the medical abuse, the poisons and stigma that damaged me beyond repair. My body, mind and who I was as a person. It’s difficult to say “goodbye cruel world” to the people that actually did care.

I hope they will always remember the laughs, the stories, the connections. The realness and tears that were sometimes painful. I have been fortunate to have met some really special people in my life. Real people that were not afraid to take off their masks (not the COVID kind). Real people that allowed me to see them, and saw me as a fellow human and not a diagnosis or a code or product to be bought and sold. Thank you to my friends and my little family for showing me that love really does exist!


When I was 13, I took my parents to court for child abuse and won.” I was placed in the foster care system and was told that teens are hard to place, that no one wants a teenager.

I felt like I was being compared to a product, an old pair of shoes that no one wanted.

I ended up in a group home for teenage girls. Because of my naivety, I was quickly separated from the other girls and kept in the basement. I was not as “street smart” as some of the girls that had been in the “system” for years. Even though this was a group home, the people that worked there were husband and wife. Foster mother and father.

They were abusive, and the abuse in this foster home was much worse than what I had survived in my birth family. After some time, one of the “street smart” girls called the Department of Children and Families and reported the couple. She spoke of verbal abuse and neglect, of the girls being left alone.

I was not being left alone as they had chosen me for sexual abuse. Abuse so horrific that many would find it difficult to believe. Once the couple realized they were being investigated, they left in the middle of the night, taking me with them. I rode in the back of a moving van and was taken out of state.

I was reported as a runaway.

When I was finally able to escape these monsters, I was 18 and a half. My body was sick, my mind broken and the light of being outside seemed too much. But I was able to get a room to rent and a job as a short order cook in a factory.

It was difficult for me to transition into society and adjust to life outside of that horrible foster home. I was shocked at how much of society was also broken. How people made fun of some of the establishments that had hurt me, and still participated or did nothing. People related their lives to movies I had never seen and it was difficult for me to fit in.

I had two children, six years apart, from two brief relationships. I loved being a mother and wanted to create something different with my daughters. A family built on trust and love. I surely wasn’t the “perfect mother,” but we had a bond and our goal was to treat each other with respect, compassion and love.

When my youngest was born, she had serious heath issues and she was frequently hospitalized. She stopped breathing often and required a monitor to alert me to begin CPR.

I began having severe panic attacks, health issues and insomnia.

I went to doctors and began getting diagnosed, coded” and medicated.

Eventually I went to college and completed a degree in respiratory therapy. I got a job working with severely ill children in a nursing home and this really increased my symptoms. Many of these children had also experienced horrific child abuse. Most were on ventilators and feeding tubes and were unable to walk or talk. On average, one child per week passed away.

When the medication made me feel worse, I was sent for inpatient hospitalization to adjust my medications.” I was coerced into agreeing that I was suicidal so insurance would pay, and then abused and tortured because I was “suicidal.” The hospital staff put me in isolation rooms, tied up with no clothes on to “keep me safe.” They gave me the wrong medications and threatened me if I didn’t take them.

The hospitals were such a shock to me. It’s sickening that our society allows humans that are hurting to be abused. To be tied up, locked up and treated like criminals for having side effects to the very medications they are there to have adjusted.”

I moved and started a new job doing home care working with veterans. Many of my patients were on home oxygen. I later learned that many of my patients were in a paid drug study for PTSD. I remember my feelings of anger as I watched these people being shown uncut videos of the war and being given psychiatric drugs. Their families were affected negatively and some of my patients decided to end their lives. I was so angry at the audacity of calling their normal symptoms after horrific trauma a D I S O R D E R!

The medications I was given caused weight gain, and a host of physical disorders. Soon I was on so many medications I could barely think straight. I was poly-drugged on 5-6 psych medications at a time, shuffling through several antidepressants, anti-anxiety drugs, antipsychotics and mood stabilizers for THIRTY YEARS! Each one adding another layer to the stigma. Many people, even those that work in this broken system, do not realize the harm. Showing up in the ER with a broken toe and giving a list of these medications can almost guarantee distrust and stigmatized treatment.

I was also on over 20 other medications for the non-psychiatric symptoms and new diagnoses resulting from the medications.

When my daughters were 10 and 16, I was placed on hospice. I was diagnosed with terminal heart/lung disease from all the medications and was in a wheelchair and wearing diapers.

With no core family support, much responsibility fell on my daughters. Helping me bathe, changing diapers, cleaning the home, shopping, etc. Hospice was another broken system full of broken medical equipment and fake promises to help. My daughters even watched me get placed in a terrible nursing home, where I was even more overmedicated and neglected. I had to beg to get discharged. It’s difficult in nursing homes because they need a doctor to sign off on things and doctors do not come around often. I knew my daughters would have to help out more, however I was so traumatized by the terrible care, the shitty food and the neglect at the nursing home.

I was so overmedicated that I didnt realize how many of my issues were caused by medications. Once both girls were adults, I decided that perhaps it was the medications that were making me sick.

I soon realized that there is no medical support to get off these poisons. I took it one pill at a time and slowly started tapering off.

Each pill had different levels of torturous side effects coming off. At the time I had more than 30 prescriptions to come off of. I also decided to change my diet and get out in nature more.

I looked better and people would compliment me. I was losing weight and was able to walk more and only use oxygen at night.

I felt worse, though. Worse and worse with each pill I was weaning from.

With that being said, I also enjoyed spending time with my daughters, my grandchildren and my friends. I was used to dissociating due to the child abuse and was able to remove myself from the pain and it seemed to make people more comfortable.

I had a couple of nice therapists, kind people but still trapped in the broken system of seeing me as a diagnostic code, a disorder, and insisting that this was the only way to healing. They had also learned to detach as part of their training. It hurt because I saw them as fellow human beings, yet they saw me as someone that needed fixing.

They were taught in a school so they didnt see us as connected or the same. It was me with a disorder and them with a degree.

And Id get attached to the kindness. Im embarrassed about that. Theres plenty of real people around, trapped in these broken systems, and here I was getting attached to people that believed in this fuckery!

Sometimes my therapist would beg for me to go inpatient to make her more comfortable. She was worried about the symptoms I was having and we both never realized it was from the medications. I was lethargic, and almost lifeless.

One day while driving I got pulled over for suspected DUI. I was taken to the local jail and kept in a holding cell for 10 hours while being “processed.” This included blood tests to find out that I did not have alcohol or street drugs in my system. I only had my prescription medications, yet I still had to go to court a few weeks later. In court it was determined that I should not have driven until I realized how these prescriptions affected me, so my punishment was a restricted license for six months. I was only allowed to drive on Tuesdays and Thursdays to go to therapy.

I cannot find the words to describe the amount of anxiety I was having in the holding cell, where so many people were upset about their situation. The court hearings and the costs involved were ridiculous. My oldest daughter was in a school that she needed to be driven to, and a host of issues were created with the restricted drivers license.

It’s difficult to navigate the broken systems while taking all these medications and treatments. In the meantime I had a lot of health issues, unnecessary surgeries and tests, and my body paid the price.

When my kind therapist decided to retire, it was a reminder that I was just a code and a disorder. I had just been discharged from a month-long stay in the ICU for heart/lung issues. She shared that she felt terrible that she wasn’t able to give me more notice that she was leaving, but I was too sick. So, I found out a week before she moved to another state. When she left, I felt abandoned, a familiar feeling from my past, mixed with grief and loss.

I found another therapist right away because I was grieving from the loss of my kind therapist, someone I had really trusted and had a deep respect for. This grief was bringing up old griefs. I was angry, too, that I had fallen into this trap of getting attached to someone that wasn’t a real friend. Someone that was really kind and wanted to help, but was being paid. I felt like she was a “friend prostitute” and it hurt on so many levels.

This new therapist agreed that the system is broken so she wanted to reallyfuck the insurance company.” She charged my insurance company for five days a week, 20 sessions a month, 240 sessions a year for four years. I didn’t care about that at all. I saw her about twice a week, and sometimes not at all if I was out of town, or sick, etc. She just billed no matter what.

I told her that I was weaning off of my medications and she decided she wanted to be a part of that. She was also on some medications and decided to stop hers cold turkey. This is when I really started noticing personality changes and abuse. She took me to bars and drank so much that the bartender threatened to call the police. Sometimes she would not show up to my appointments, but would threaten me if I didn’t show up. She gifted me with her old car when she bought a brand new one, thanks to charging insurance companies so much.

The gift of the car increased the abuse and she started to demand that I clean her bathroom at her office and do other chores during my “appointment.” Then she took me to different “alternative healing” places where her friends would do spiritual healings, astrology readings, past life readings, while abusing my body, mind and soul. The therapist and her friends took advantage of my abused child-like reactions to being ordered around, sexually abused and threatened. I was afraid to say no, to leave, even though they were hurting me.

In the meantime, I had to go to my primary doctor to get a refill for a prescription ointment for my lady parts for the scar tissue from the childhood sexual abuse. I had been using this ointment for years and suddenly it was denied by my insurance and I had to request a court hearing. Each step I took hurt and felt like torturesitting too long, standing too long, all hurt like hell. It took a year for the court hearing which was done by telephone and it was finally approved.

This therapist told me that if I ever told anyone about the sexual abuse she would kill me, and she told me the exact way she was going to do it. She would text me pictures of the inside of my home, which she was never inside to my knowledge.

I went to my then psychiatric doctor and told her what was happening with this therapist. I knew I needed help, yet this doctor told me that I was recreating my past and I needed to see that. Also, that I couldn‘t come to my appointment and tell her this, she’d have to do something. I said, “Yes, I want you to do something!” She just gently put her hand on my shoulder and guided me towards the door.

One day I came to my appointment with the therapist and I was angry. I told her I was not cleaning her bathroom anymore, and that I would not be following her taper instructions because she was making me worse! She kicked me out, and I felt relief. I quickly made another appointment with a different therapist and started filling out the forms to report the previous one to her licensing board.

The new therapist was kind, and even though she had never heard of anyone being abused by a therapist, she seemed to believe me. It took four long years of going to court hearings. There was insurance fraud, ethical violations, and medical malpractice. Three separate lawsuits. The process was just more fuckery and although my new therapist was kind and supportive and came to each and every court hearing, she never said anything while I was being raked over the coals by this broken legal system.

In the end, my current therapist did write a letter to the state attorney and the licensing board expressing how they had re-abused me, and neither one ever really responded.

I’d do it all over again, too, because even though the legal system is rigged (in my opinion) against the common folk, I was doing this for myself and my healing. I was able to prove the abuse, by my therapist and other providers. I was able to have a successful claim against her malpractice insurance and I was able to ensure that she would never be able to bill insurance or have a license in my state.

The abusive therapist had stolen enough money to hire a good attorney and she was smart enough to relinquish her license days before she would have had it taken away, and she had enough money to pay off her probation early.

The malpractice insurance that every therapist is required to pay into has a clause that they can pay out less money if the provider intentionally hurts a patient. What kind of fuckery is that??

The new therapist, my current therapist, is kind. Even with all the court hearings, I still continued my tapering of medications, although at a much slower rate. I never really fully understood the withdrawal symptoms and even though she was kind, she didn’t have the time to look into it either. She’d remind me that she was not a doctorsomething taught in her training, to not get involved with medications.

She is supportive and open-minded and kind, and she listened to me as I shared about these broken systemshow these broken systems abused me since childhood and they hurt all of us common folk. She agrees with me, yet she still works in the industry and in some ways knowing that hurts me. I don’t want this kind person to be part of a system that hurt me so much. She says she can see the fuckery as she hides (in my opinion) behind the letters after her name. I understand that she needs to support herself, however my brain cannot accept that she chooses to continue to work in this field and it has affected our trust and communication.

In June of 2021 I celebrated coming off all medications. I was rather proud of myself, even though I felt like crap. The withdrawal symptoms were reminders to me that I was a sub-human, unworthy of a life worth living. There are no words to describe these horrible symptoms. My friends didn’t understand, and I seemed to be starting to lose who I was.

Two months after my “celebration,” the akathisia kicked in and it was pure torture. The burning in my brain, the feeling of every organ and body part inflamed and on fire was shocking. No one could see it, and people just spoke to me in typical conversation and my brain could not adapt.

The doctors are totally useless. They can either prescribe drugs or not, nothing else. I now pay $150, a rather large chunk of my disability income, to get prescriptions that are essentially hurting me. The $150 does not include the provider doing any research on weaning, tapering, etc.

I was forced to reinstate a few of the psych medications in small doses to bring down the symptoms of the damage to my brain. I later learned that this reinstatement caused my brain to “kindle” and the symptoms worsened. Kindling is a neurological condition resulting from repeated withdrawal episodes. The central nervous system becomes hyper-sensitized and hyper excitable. Each subsequent withdrawal leads to more severe withdrawal symptoms than the previous. I feel that some of these designer chemicals intentionally make it impossible to totally wean off, keeping the customers prisoners forever.

I finally realized that the severe withdrawal symptoms and akathisia mixed with the heart/lung disease are all medication injury. Iatrogenic. I am ill and it is caused by modern medicine. I have a lot of symptoms, yet I am still able to dissociate and appear rather unscathed. It makes it difficult for people that care about me to understand that I am suffering severely, that I don’t want any more treatments. I don’t want to be a part of the broken systems any longer. I don’t want to risk being put in another nursing home or a psych hospital and having my rights as a human taken away. I only wish to have autonomy over my own body. Like Antonio Negri said, “Why do you accept being treated like an inmate?”

Why do we accept treating people like prisoners? This is an important question to ask as a society. Why do we allow this to happen in psych hospitals, in nursing homes, in the legal system, and to foster children? Why do we accept it?

No one can see my reality. Many of these symptoms are invisible. These symptoms are neurological, electrical, painful, and torturous. While my brain is burning it cannot understand someone asking me if I want to go get pizza for dinner. My brain keeps scanning to make sense of other people’s responses to life as my body is feeling like it’s been doused with battery acid and lit on fire!

People see how I am reacting emotionally and maybe even physically. My body is losing its motor skills; frequent broken bones, having seizures, unable to focus, etc.

I don’t feel a part of this world anymore. I don’t have the desire to engage or accept what I would have to go through just to exist in this private hellish prison.

I do not want to contribute to all the broken systems that are currently in place for what would be my final days. I don’t want my final days filled with insurance schemes. I don’t want to feel like a society castoff or a foster kid nobody wants.

I want my final days to be about the autonomy of my own body and mind. I would like dignity and respect and to be with people that really care about me. I would like to feel supported by my family, my friends and my community. I would like to be seen as a human being that deserves to be loved and cared for.

broken systems
Painting by Lisa Hughes


Mad in America hosts blogs by a diverse group of writers. These posts are designed to serve as a public forum for a discussion—broadly speaking—of psychiatry and its treatments. The opinions expressed are the writers’ own.


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  1. Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your story. I can only imagine the strength it took and the precious energy you had to expend to put your experience down in words. I believe that what you’ve done here is immensely important. You have illustrated in such clear and precise language the tragedy of the systems that are in place. Tragic for the individual, for families and for society. Something has got to change.

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    • Katel,
      Thank you for reading my story. It means a lot to me. I know its not the happiest of stories and yet in some ways it does bring light. Like when people reach out such as you did and say that the message has been heard and things need to change. Thank you.

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  2. Heartbreaking after reading your story. My story was published in Mad in America last year.

    There are many of us being hurt or injured by psych drugs. Big pharma and unethical psychiatrists made a lot of money of making many people sick and even lost their lives. Karma will come one day. I am bedridden and unable to work due to chemical injuries. Despite of chemical injuries, I have physical injuries to my legs and ears. Both of my legs have been twisted by my abusive husband, I am physically disabled and 24 hours in pain. Doctor saw from my MRI and commented that my cartridge has broken and my ligament has torn. I have 24 hours tinnitus and hyperacusis after a hard slap from my younger brother. My life is miserable. I am glad you have the approval from Pengasos and planning to visit Switzerland next month, finally you can end your torture. I wish to end my torture too. I hope I will have some fund to follow your path.

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  3. Heartbreaking after reading your story. My story was published in Mad in America last year.

    There are many of us being hurt or injured by psych drugs. Big pharma and unethical psychiatrists made a lot of money of making many people sick and even lost their lives. Karma will come one day. I am bedridden and unable to work due to chemical injuries. Despite of chemical injuries, I have physical injuries to my legs and ears. Both of my legs have been twisted by my abusive husband, I am physically disabled and 24 hours in pain. Doctor saw from my MRI and commented that my cartridge has broken and my ligament has torn. I have 24 hours tinnitus and hyperacusis after a hard slap from my younger brother. My life is miserable. I am glad you have the approval from Pengasos and planning to visit Switzerland next month. I am still suffering, but I would like to wish you all the best !

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  4. What words?

    Crying my tears before I started reading, and tears for you during and after.

    I wish I could give you what you deserve and ask for.

    I wish I could rip the raping cock off psychiatry and make it all better for us all.

    You are heard and believed.

    I hope others in your life can give you the love and peace you deserve.

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    • Gina: you are worthwhile, too.

      If Brett Kavanaugh can show his anger and get a lifetime appointment on the Supreme Court, my anger should be okay, too. If video games can portray slaughter, my figurative anger should be okay, too. If people flock to horror films, my creative display of pain should be okay, too. If people only go to the movies to see superheros save the world, my wish to take down psychiatry should be okay, too.

      article: “People see how I am reacting emotionally and maybe even physically. . . .

      I don’t feel a part of this world anymore.”

      Me too!

      I wasn’t ignorant enough to ask for psychiatry (my world view said “bogus” well before I found Mad in America) and it still ruined my life:

      Nothing is worth this hell!

      Best wishes.

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      • Gina,
        Not many people realize the connection to politics, religion and our broken medical/mental health industry. The legal abuse.

        I went to the link above and went down that rabbit hole this morning and could feel your words… your pain and sadly could relate to it.

        Where have you been my whole life?

        So many people want to “sugar coat” this abuse to sweetness like “They only want to keep you safe” or “Not everyone that works in the industry is monsters.”

        I wish I could have had used some of the raw language you have chosen to establish the realness of what it is like to be on the receiving end to this “legal abuse”.

        It’s no worse than what people are willing to pay for when they go to see a horror flick. You are right, 100%!

        Why do people want to look away from the horror show that is the mental health industry?

        And is there really any “nice people” there? The ones that are simply not admitting to the abuse, but perhaps give a nice smile, yet do nothing about changing the status quo.

        This is the issue I have with my “kind therapist”. She is kind, but how can she be *that* kind if she’s not angry enough to walk away from an industry that treats its customers worse than the animals at a meat factory?

        “You may never know what results come of your actions, but if you do nothing, there will be no results.”

        ― Mahatma Gandhi

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        • “Why do people want to look away from the horror show that is the mental health industry?”

          Why did people look away from what was occurring in Auschwitz? The victims had been stigmatised by the State, and the public were ‘disgusted’ by those who they saw as being ‘unclean’.

          A public health issue.

          I note J. Peterson covers a topic very similar in this interview (starts at about 22:00 – 27:00)

          Public health and the Nazis (National Socialists).
          They acted according to some high ethical standards eg; ‘I’m going to protect you because you deserve to be protected. Your health is paramount. Even one life is too many”. Yes but ….. that becomes an absolute in some sense. “IT’S HARD TO SAY WHAT THAT DOESN’T JUSTIFY”

          His discussion on the reason we have human rights follows. Now the legal protections he speaks of to protect those human rights are simply ignored by those with a duty to enforce them. See for example the letter I have from the Chief Psychiatrist who denies any legal protections for the community if the Community Nurse wishes to call police, call citizens his “Outpatient” falsely, and have ANYONE snatched form their bed and tortured into a ‘confession’ of a mental illness. (happy to share the letter by the way).
          If the Community Nurse for whatever reason thinks someone should be incarcerated and force drugged, then he simply calls police and has it done. All he needs is to “suspect”, and the “reasonable grounds” (the legal protection of standards to be met, ie a burden of proof) he simply makes up to create the appearance that the protection of the law actually exists. I mean those protections in law do exist, but the people who are supposed to enforce then simply deny they exist to the now ‘mental patient’ who is denied access to effective legal representation, while they sort the ‘problem’ out in the E.D. with a little ‘accident’.

          Put the community outside the law as the Chief Psychiatrist has done in his letter to the Law Centre and there is literally nothing that can’t be done by the State. Especially when the Law Centre who supposedly protect our human rights ‘don’t look’ at the negligence of the C.P. Carte blanche as far as human rights abuses go in that situation.

          Speaking of the Mental Health Law Centre, these are lawyers being paid to protect human rights, and they are the very people who look the other way while they occur. Befriending their ‘clients’ for the benefit of identifying any problems that may be encountered by the State when they subject citizens to torture, kidnappings and ….. well, some people don’t have the stomach for the ‘outcomes’. ‘Sorry, due to limited resources at the Law Centre, your torture and kidnapping will have to be covered up by the State while we look away, because we rely on their funding to survive with just a Porsche. Here’s a letter from the Chief Psychiatrist who has rewritten the law to ensure that arbitrary detentions and torture are now lawful. Good luck sorting that out nutjob. P. S. don’t bother contacting the witnesses or your family, because they are afraid of being ‘fuking destroyed’ in the same manner we have done you. Terrorism is just so effective when done by the State with their ample resources’

          Mind you, this is Australia I am talking about. The place where this is considered ‘mental health care’.

          See what happens when a Community Nurse LIES to police and requests ‘assistance’ with his “Outpatient”? If you weren’t ill before their ‘intervention’, you sure as Hell will be after. Early intervention is best of course, that is before the patient gets ill.

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          • Dear Boans,
            WOW, just wow. I read and re-read your comment and cried…. Its the sad truth. Your words, your links are so eloquent in describing just why people look away.

            Why people looked away during the Nazi days and why it continues to this day. “A public health issue”… GRRR

            I would love to see the letter you speak of… not for “proof” because I believe you. I have seen it first hand. More about solidarity.

            I watched the J. Peterson YouTube and he nailed it too. The sad truth, about how society has terribly put “systems and rules” before human beings is sickening.

            And lastly I watched the video with that poor man being abused by police. A “mentally ill man” being treated so inhumanly to actually cause a mental illness. ugh

            I think you nailed it when you wrote about how possibly people don’t want to speak up and end up being treated like that. Its a terrible cycle…

            Thank you for helping me to open the eyes to the atrocities within this broken, abusive establishment.

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          • Hi Lisa,

            “I would love to see the letter you speak of… not for “proof” because I believe you. I have seen it first hand. More about solidarity.”

            Will be in touch with a link very soon.

            “I watched the J. Peterson YouTube and he nailed it too. The sad truth, about how society has terribly put “systems and rules” before human beings is sickening.”

            Didn’t he hit the mark? The loss of liberties more of a concern than the virus. I’m watching carefully as our ‘vaccine passports’ are brought into effect and waiting for people to be denied access to places of worship. “Those who would sacrifice essential liberties for temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety” (Ben Franklin). How ironic that this quote was on the back of the t shirt of our now Attorney General (speaking about the torture with electricity of an aboriginal man by Police in 2010), who is dismantling our liberties at a rate that makes Speedy Gonzales look like Slow Poke Rodrigues. Terrible accident with the law which was to protect peoples information when they signed in to track and trace covid outbreaks. A loophole which allows police to use that data for any purpose they see fit, and of course they won’t be charging themselves even if there were consequences under law (“insufficient evidence” mainly because they refuse to take anything which doesn’t suit their preferred “edited” narratives)

            “And lastly I watched the video with that poor man being abused by police. A “mentally ill man” being treated so inhumanly to actually cause a mental illness. ugh”

            Yes, the inducing of an ‘acute stress reaction’ (this is the ‘code’ used by mental health services for police bashing to loosen the lips. Just don’t call it torture and it isn’t. seen that before? It’s ‘medicine’ not drugs. Unintended negative outcomes not convenience killings). Couple of points about this event. When you examine the letter from the Chief Psychiatrist note that such beatings by police can be done for no other reason that a Community Nurse has called them and requested assistance with his “Outpatient” (he need only ‘suspect’, and the reasonable grounds legal protection is removed. This then allows the uttering with a known fraudulent document to occur. Quite an exercise in ‘verbal gymnastics’ by the Chief Psychiatrist to conceal these crimes. I note that the people who do figure out what he has done, tend to run away very quickly, the Law Centre claiming that arbitrary detentions under ‘suss laws’ and torture are “in the spirit of the Act”) Now consider what might happen if he lied to police in that regard? That means that any person in our community can be subjected to such ‘treatment’ based on nothing more than a lie by a public officer. And the response of the ‘authorities’? “editing” of the facts, and then uttering with known fraud to conceal the acts of torture. And those charged with protecting our human and civil rights at the Law Centre, the lawyers? They conspire with corrupt public officers to actively conceal the offending (for an increase in funding of course, nothing for free these days). Anyway, you’ll see if you examine the documents.

            The other point is the comments by the Minister in that video. The woman who said there were “some concerning aspects in the arrest”, and that the matter had been referred to Police Standards. What she KNOWS is that police are unaccountable, and that even if the corruption watchdog makes a negative finding against them, they simply ignore anything that is said. See the case of Corrina Horvath which went to the U.N. and recognised that the States are responsible for police officers who break the law. Took 20 years after her beating of course, and police simply ignored the findings, and the police who beat her are still actively employed. To the public though, it sounds like the ‘process’ is taking place and something might be done. Those ‘in the know’ such as the Minister are fully aware this is a dead end, and these types of beatings can and are being done on a regular basis. But as long as she makes it sound as if something is being done ….. and then identify any ‘troublemakers’ for their mental illnesses of speaking up….. and arrange them to be ‘treated’ of course, as is her duty of care to ensure that such ‘public health issues’ are referred. Martha Mitchell would recognise the pattern.


            Woops, there’s another. Though I note these two people actually were “patients”, whereas in my instance the Community Nurse simply lied to Police to have them beat me into a confession so he could start the ‘treatment’. even going so far as to document what I needed to be tortured into confessing. Still, why would we be surprised. A brief examination of the system makes it obvious it is wide open to abuses.

            Given what I knew about ‘mental health services’, was it any wonder that I was going to refuse to speak to them? A right I had, or so I thought, until of course I find out the state (via the Chief Psychiatrist and Law Centers negligence) is authorising torture and kidnappings, and then doing ‘cover ups’ with fraudulent documents and uttering should there be a problem. ‘Spiked’, jumped in my bed, ‘acute stress reaction’, and then ‘verbal’ the victim on fraudulent Forms. Too easy. And those boastful human rights protectors…….. look the other way. Hi to Amnesty Int. Oh that’s right, they only look if it’s China locking up petrol bomb throwing anarchists who are being ‘arbitrarily detained’. The Chief Psychiatrist in Australia, in writing, authorises arbitrary detentions and forced treatment based on fraud, and they look the other way. Must be good money in it, or is it the ability to operate as a charity that is at stake?

            Police kicking the shit out of ‘mental patients’, so all you need to do it trick them into a false belief that a citizen is a ‘mental patient’, then torture then until they ‘confess’ to their ‘illness’. In 1940s Germany, they would have ‘spiked’ me and planted a copy of the Torah under my pillow, and placed a menora next to the bed. Then call the einsattsgruppen for ‘assistance’ with a ‘public health problem’. They’re the same people, the clock has simply done a few turns is all.

            Be in touch soon.

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          • Copied from my comment above.

            Now consider what might happen if he lied to police in that regard? That means that any person in our community can be subjected to such ‘treatment’ based on nothing more than a lie by a public officer. And the response of the ‘authorities’? “editing” of the facts, and then uttering with known fraud to conceal the acts of torture. And those charged with protecting our human and civil rights at the Law Centre, the lawyers? They conspire with corrupt public officers to actively conceal the offending (for an increase in funding of course, nothing for free these days).


            There is of course an offense listed in our Criminal Code for a Community Nurse who does this, its’s called “Procuring the apprehension or detention of a Person not suffering from a Mental Illness” and carries a three year prison term. (if the person is NOT a ‘patient’, they do not meet the requirement of being a person with a mental illness. Which creates problems when mental health want to snatch people from their bed and force drug them. So use police stooges by lying to them, and the embarrassment of torturing and kidnapping people will mean they assist in cover up)

            The Law Centre tells us that this offence has never been prosecuted though, and I guess when they are “editing” the documents before the persons lawyers get to examine them, threatening witnesses, and then ‘outcoming’ the person who complains, how would it ever be prosecuted? So the protection afforded by the law is worthless, and the Chief Psychiatrist knows it, but it does look good in regards the Convention against the use of Torture. Like a Clockwork Orange, it is there, but it serves no function

            Bit like the Police handing people who complain about the Mafia back to the Mafia. and saving a whole bunch of time on the paperwork. Which is effectively what they tried to do when I went and put the documents they thought had been retrieved under their noses (referral of me failed, tried to arrest me for the ‘verbal’ which the Community Nurse made up [eg threat to harm became a threat to kill. Just fluff it up a bit and make him sound dangerous], and then tried to arrest me for having my medical records.)

            And then we find out that the psychologist who had examined the documents and who realised why the police were trying to refer me for “hallucinating” (not a hallucination when I have the proof of the ‘spiking’, it’s a crime they didn’t want exposed because they tortured me too) became afraid for his family when asked to exploit my trust and find out who else knew they were torturing citizens using mental health services.

            So it does leave me wondering who it was that wrote that letter from the C.P. because I get the impression that the people who claimed to be my ‘legal representatives’ weren’t actually trying to help me. They were providing information about how to ensure that I, and they didn’t obtain the proof of me being tortured and kidnapped.

            My wife and her ‘new man’ once again procure police to have me ‘restrained’ whilst they retrieve the documents I had for the hospital. They then send the fraudulent set of documents to the Law Centre, who make a complaint to the Chief Psychiatrist based on that fraud.

            Let me speculate that the Chief psychiatrist never actually received that letter of complaint (it was done for ‘show’ and only given to me). They then forged a letter purporting to be from the Chief Psychiatrist which contains some bizarre claims, and which I have called a ‘poison pen letter’. I say this as it is designed to do severe psychological harm to the victim, and hopefully push them to suicide.

            The Minister, fully aware that the lawyers at the Law Centre are doing this, can act as ‘foil’ should there be any issues.

            The real problem was that I still had the proof of the ‘spiking’ and the ‘procuring’, and wasn’t aware that the Law Centre had been provided with fraud. So I couldn’t inform them that I still had the proof, and therefore they couldn’t inform the Minister (ie stab me in the back). It is an offense for ANY public officer who “suspects on reasonable grounds that an offense carrying a penalty of two or more years prison has occurred” to NOT report the matter to the corruption watchdog. So were these matters which were clearly offenses reported under these mandatory reporting laws? Not according to Hansards.

            I tell ya, I wouldn’t want to be someone forging letters claiming to be from the Chief Psychiatrist to conceal such serious criminal offences, even if it was to push a nutjob to suicide. Pretty vicious if you ask me, but these are ‘good people’ because they told us so, and given they are killing anyone who dares question that well…… I guess we will have to go along with that.

            Some of it really makes me laugh. the psychologist going along thinking ‘this guys nuts, they don’t snuff people in the E.D. for complaining about ‘patients’ being referred. Oh wait, I see, he wasn’t actually a …… they drugged him and then signed a fraudulent prescription…. and now police are calling me a wanting to know who else has seen what I have seen? You mean he has been speaking the truth all along?’ The look of absolute terror in his eyes when he had to lie to me and pretend that Police never tried to refer me, and that “it never happened” (sorry but the Social Worker that was with me at the Police Station confirmed in an email the next day the events he denied. I’ve got written proof and KNOW he is a liar. Took police a little time to put a ‘plan’ into effect I’m afraid. In the meantime I had documented events. Not that evidence or proof matters when the State is “editing” realities for criminals within their ranks) . Dog act of course but …. I assume he will now be quite a resource for corrupt police. Such informants difficult to come by with codes of conduct and ethics etc. Really have to admire some of the work of the Devil, who it seems has quite a sense of humour.

            Trust in haste, regret at leisure.
            Don’t suspect a friend, report them
            Suspicion breeds confidence

            My three favorite signs from the movie Brazil

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          • There’s more? lol

            Just considering the ‘consent’ provided to the Law Centre in regards the access to my medical records. They requested documents relating to my ‘referral’ on a specific date, and received “edited’ documents which removed the proof of the offenses, and had documents inserted from a ten year old file (particularly misleading and slanderous documents I note). You know, “edited” documents. Not criminal fraud when the State does it to conceal their human rights abuses.

            But given that consent does not mean I am authorising these lawyers to conspire to pervert the course of justice with said hospital. Though this does seem to be the way the lawyers there were interpreting that ‘consent’. And I have no doubt they have do so with many other ‘patients’. But who is going to look? See discussion above lol

            I suppose that the other victims of the Law Centre never got to see the light of day again anyway. People who were tortured, kidnapped, or who had any sort of legitimate complaint against the Health Dept (or a doctor) would have found themselves dribbling in a cell pretty quick (chemically restrained with “no National Standard”, forced dribble therapy which can now be combined with ECTs. Chelmsford’s Dr Harry Bailey is alive and well in Australia), and the only avenue for assistance being the people who were conspiring with the criminals (that is the lawyers at the Law Centre).

            At present I find myself being denied access to ANY legal representation because the truth keeps rearing it’s ugly head, and those in positions to maintain the perverting of the course of justice are ‘out to lunch’. Such human rights abuses not surprising, though a warning to anyone who was considering a visit to Australia if you hold views not consistent with the present dictatorship (our One Party system not even close to resembling a democracy).

            I find myself wondering if the same was true in National Socilalist Germany. That is, those trying to escape their persecutors going and seeking ‘legal advice’ only to have their wallets stripped bare and then thrown under a bus by people claiming to be their ‘representatives’. (yeah yeah, you were cheated, Tell it to the hand. Get on the fuking train.) It’s a real shame that people not only don’t look, but actively ensure that the truth is concealed to allow such human rights violations to continue. One scammer organisation getting caught shouldn’t mean the whole con gets shut down, they simply replace all the lawyers in the Law Centre and start again (as I have since found out, is exactly what they have done.)

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          • Boans,
            I read all of your comments, all of them. I watched the videos, I read about the fuckery, with the police, then the “legal system”, the broken mental health system. It seems terrible in Australia.

            However let me tell you from first hand experience, this fuckery is happening each and every day here in the states too.

            Not too many “mental health patients” are believed and society has been trained to not take any of it too serious. Its soft mind control.

            I think you raise some very good points why people look away and why this just keeps happening over and over again, even when the corruption is exposed.

            My question is, is there any hope at all? Are we just preaching to the choir here?

            It broke my heart into pieces when I saw that video of that man getting tortured by the police in his own yard. Then, I had to say I have seen similar in the US psych wards.

            This abuse is disgusting. I raise the question about the “one or two” kind people that stick around with these jobs such as a psych ward.

            Why are the nice ones there and yet do nothing? How nice are they that they see this abuse day in and day out and do nothing.

            Are they simply afraid it will happen to them?

            This seems like a cult, these broken systems and perhaps walking away from one of these jobs is more difficult than I realize.

            Then again if everyone walked away from these jobs like a psych hospital? What then?

            Would we resort to what they are doing in Indonesia?


            Are we actually doing better than Indonesia?

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    • Gina,
      Thank you for reading my story. I only wish and ask for a peaceful exit… and I hope more people will consider reading my oldest daughters words too.

      Thank you for saying that I am heard, I am believed. It means a lot to me.

      Our family has been severely traumatized by this terrible industry. Please find our story on my FB page in my daughters words…..

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  5. Your two paintings communicate a lot of wisdom, Lisa. And wow, you were put through the ringer. I’m sorry. But based upon my experience, and my last decade plus of research – and confessions of decent people – it sure does seem clear that the number one actual societal function of the scientific fraud based “mental health” industries is, in fact, covering up child abuse. An ethical pastor did confess this to me to be “the dirty little secret of the two original educated professions.” And I do know first hand, one can not speak out against any kind of child abuse in an ELCA church, without getting attacked by a psychologist.

    “From this side of the cage only half of the puzzle at best is revealed … so withhold judgement.” Sage advice for those who – within hours – judge and misjudge people, who they do not know. I had to leave my psychiatrist because he very literally declared my entire life to be “a credible fictional story,” when I confronted him with all the misinformation he’d written in his medical records. Misinformation he’d gotten from a child abuse covering up psychologist. And because my psychiatrist thought that the best way to help a child, who had been sexually assaulted four years prior, was to have him neurotoxic poisoned.

    And as one who experienced an awakening to my subconscious dreams and self during my “drug withdrawal induced manic psychosis.” I can say, absolutely, our subconscious selves do know a lot more, than we do in our waking hours.

    “Hello from the other side ….” I’ve been psych drug free for over twelve years now, and I can say it is possible to largely heal from the psychiatric neurotoxins. I still have brain zaps, but have learned to control them for the most part. I do also have a mild form of akathisia, which makes me wiggle when I sleep, but it is not a problem when I am awake. I hope you are able, at some point, to get off the drugs. But I do know it’s not easy, and the withdrawal effects are very bad initially.

    Please don’t listen to your doctor, keep the faith instead. My prayers for you on your healing journey. And I’m glad you have real loving relationships, because I do believe love helps heal all wounds. Kudos, by the way, on breaking the cycle of child abuse, your daughters are very fortunate.

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    • Dear Someone Else,
      Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I am so sorry to read that you too have been drugged to cover up child abuse. How sickening that this is happening. I tried to tell people my whole adult life about the fuckery of religion, child abuse and medical abuse and I was deemed “mentally ill” so society just silences my truths… and I got sicker.

      I don’t listen to doctors anymore. They are like pimps, pimping patients out to “specialists” and then the “specialists” give out medications like tic tacs, slowly killing the organs of beautiful beings.

      Beautiful people that got trapped in that cycle which is difficult to get out of to say it mildly.

      You really should be proud to have gotten off these poisons. I am sorry you still have brain zaps and some mild symptoms. For me brain zaps can not be tolerated as zapping my brain with electrodes was part of the childhood abuse I had to endure. So its a huge trigger…. and my brain has to try to remember that this brain zap isn’t a punishment like before… yet it can’t because the body remembers.

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      • “How sickening that this is happening.” And how sickening that the systemic covering up of child abuse is the number one actual societal function of both the scientific fraud based, DSM “bible” believing, psychological and psychiatric industries.

        And all this systemic, paternalistic, child abuse covering up is by DSM design.

        “I tried to tell people my whole adult life about the fuckery of religion”

        Yes, my former childhood church has confessed to me that they have “partnered with” the DSM “bible” believers. Despite the fact that the sins of their religion’s systemic child abuse covering up leaders were previously recorded, by insiders of their own synod offices.

        Glad to hear you no longer “listen to doctors,” I hope and pray that most Americans are now learning that doing such is unwise.

        And I hope you find a way to heal, despite the typical long run adverse withdrawal symptoms of the psych drugs. And just an FYI, I’ve never found another report on the internet that anyone other than me, has suffered from “brain zaps” for over twenty years. So that will likely only be a short run adverse withdrawal symptom of the psych drugs for you.

        God bless, in what I hope ends up to be your healing journey. We need you!

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        • I cannot say the word that you say in your quote from this article. I somewhat disagree, however, I have found that there are unfortunately several Christian denominations that have lost their Biblical way and now seem to be worshipping the secular, the fraudulently scientific, as in psychiatry, psychology, etc. Sadly, this causes many to suffer and also lose their way and they are vulnerable to the dangers of psychiatry, etc. In the end, I think they must face a greater judgment than you or I, the judgment of God. Thank you.

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        • Someone Else,
          Thank you for providing links to read further. How sad that this broken industry started a long time ago with Freud, and sadly the women and children, the vulnerable were hurt.

          The link about “your child does not have bipolar” is so sad, yet so real. I am angry that these normal child reactions to life are labeled a dis-ease and then the people are mistreated and or treated like a contagion.

          Thanks for the link to that book about Jesus and the culture wars… I plan to read it… I read some of it and wow, I can totally relate to that fuckery.

          Concerning the “brain zaps”, I have heard plenty of people complain about that symptom. However it’s not the only one that is torture for me. I talked to someone that was recently in our local jail and was taken off of their antidepressants. This person was told that if they complain about brain zaps, they will go into the “hole”…. punished and isolated while being tortured.

          If we can fix the brain zaps, can we continue on and fix all the broken systems that hurt the vulnerable??? Can we as a society change the ‘norms’ and help instead of hurt the suffering?

          Can we stop the money flow of this sick organization? What if there was no money to be made in the diagnosing, coding and processing people that are hurting?

          Never mind its gravy train and its not going to stop in my lifetime! Sad truths.

          “Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless. Compassion means full immersion in the condition of being human.”

          ― Henri J.M. Nouwen

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  6. Hi Lisa,

    I gained a lot from the comment you make in your art. “From this side of the cage only half of the puzzle at best is revealed so withhold judgement”.

    The words which held me back form passing judgement were “It is better to forgive”. And I say this in a manner which means you do not HAVE to forgive (as many people don’t).

    But I find myself considering the Hell you have been put through, and then the punishment that is to be faced by those who took you down that path with their evil intent, and those who neglected their duty to provide you with the help you so obviously requested. I have had the benefit of being shown the eyes of someone who has done such evil as they were being thrown into the fire (seen more than I should of the other side of the cage so to speak). And that moment will go on for eternity for that person. My soul I hope will leave this place in peace, with knowledge that I have asked forgiveness for any wrong I have done, and that I feel I have no evil intent in any of my actions these days.

    A good friend once said to me that those who have evil in their hearts need to have their souls ripped from them like a wire brush dragging wool from a sheep (how could they possibly leave their wealth behind?). The aim is to have the soul slip from the body like a drop of water leaving the hand.

    Your words provide me with comfort, and perhaps that’s the whole point of your suffering? I don’t know, but stay with us for as long as you can bear. Please.

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    • Dear Boans,
      The word “judgment” seems to have different meanings for many people. When we as society sees a psych patient that is overweight and yet not “pulling their weight” (pun intended)…and taking a bunch of prescribed harm… its difficult for some people to realize the expectations are not reasonable.

      Or a psych patient that is tied up and screaming too much.

      Or a psych patient that goes to a therapist for nightmares about childhood sexual abuse and gets sexually abused by the therapist and the new nightmares cause a lack of emotion and terror.

      Your good friend that said that those that have evil in their heart need to have their souls ripped from them with a wire brush… wow… that is some deep, dark and real feelings! Makes me look like a wimp for just wishing I couldn’t see them, they they would just simply go away….

      Thank you for saying my words provided you with comfort. I can’t stay much longer though. Life is about endings too and its all part of this human condition.

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  7. Lisa, thank you for your tremendous courage in both getting off of psych drugs and writing your story. I am so sorry for all that you have endured and admire your bravery in sharing with all of us.Your children and grandchildren are lucky to have you.

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    • Dear Ann,
      Thank you for reaching out. I know this is a difficult topic…. I am nearing the end of my suffering. I have had enough medical abuse, religious abuse, political, and the mental health abuse was the worst because they are there for when we fall down…. and what happens is people get picked up by what appears to be “the kind people”, the ones that are paid to care, only to be thrown into a made up world of stigma, and the worst kind of human torture there is on this planet. And when that system doesn’t work, its set up to to victim blame, so its a no-win.

      I am grateful for my adult daughters and my beautiful grandchildren who were also victims to these broken systems. I hope some day my grandchildren will know to steer away from these broken systems, and know they have everything they need right inside their hearts. It’s called love and it doesn’t come from the medical/mental heath industries, politics, religion or products for sale.

      It is my hope that my story will be a cautionary tale for them to look back on and know to seek out people that are not trying to damage who they are with codes, and processing, rather looking for the real people that refuse to be a part of anyone that normalizes this “factory type” work called “mental health care”.

      Please go to my personal FB page and read my story in my oldest daughters words.

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  8. Dear Lisa, I am saddened to read your life story and their health related issues. I felt like I was reading David Lynch adapting Dickens. I’ve yet to hear even one story whereby adults from abusive childhoods met with remotely helpful psychological help, much less not further marginalized or exploited. I, too, know this journey, and I am in awe of what you’ve been able to accomplish from where you started!

    But I want to point out something that might sound a bit irrelevant: you lived your life like a heroine by not passing on your childhood abuse to your children. Sure…maybe you weren’t the full on mother you knew yourself to be, but you “stopped it’, and by not abusing or abandoning, etc. you’ve opened up doors to future generations (your daughters children and onward). My sisters did this too, they carried so much abuse and abandonment and did not recreate it with their own children, and it shows in every way! I hope you feel the pride and love you deserve for the rest of your life. Thank you for having the courage and love in your heart to share your story. K

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    • Dear Kevin,
      Thank you for your kind words, so needed at the end of my life. Its disgusting how victims of child abuse and foster kids, end up in the hands of monsters, called “the mental health industry”…. where it’s legal to continue to exploit human beings… these innocent children that grow up and seek out love only to be coded and processed and labeled like a slab of meat.

      I am sorry you too know this journey…. none of us deserved the abuse as children and none of deserved the legal abuse known as “mental health”…. its mental fuckery and it ruins lives… and makes it almost impossible for adults abused as children to navigate.

      I am fortunate to have two adult daughters that have shown me love and three beautiful grandchildren. I hope they can take that love and always know its enough.

      This idea that “mental health” runs in the family is scary. The children and grandchildren of mental health abuse survivors are prey to this industry, which is like vultures. I hope my little family can protect themselves from this sickness… the systems that are nothing but predators.

      Please find me on FB and read my story in my daughters own words. Our little family needs community support that is not in the form of “society rapists”….disguised as mental health helpers….

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  9. Dear Lisa, It’s shocking to read of the many traumas and medical abuse you were subjected to. Heart breaking and appalling what happens to vulnerable children in foster care. That you completed a college degree, worked in challenging jobs while dealing with so much medical harm and raised two wonderful daughters is a testament to your intelligence and incredible strength of character.

    “I was coerced into agreeing that I was suicidal so insurance would pay, and then abused and tortured because I was “suicidal.”

    The general public are not aware such gross inhumanities are inflicted on those who suffer adversities in life and only hoped to receive a little ‘help’.

    “I want my final days to be about the autonomy of my own body and mind.”

    Amen to that, I feel the same.
    Thank you for bravely recounting your story for others. I hope you get the compassion you so deserve to live out your final chapter and can leave this world on your terms with dignity and autonomy. Warm regards to you and your family.

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    • Dear Rosalee D,
      Thank you for your kind words, you validation means a lot to me. I agree the general public are not aware of such gross inhumanities that are inflicted on those who suffer adversities… I wonder, are we just “preaching to to choir here”???

      How can we really stop this from continuing?

      I too hoped I would find compassion in my final chapter. Thank you being a part of that chapter and showing me compassion.

      I will be ready to leave this world with dignity and autonomy after I figure out a way to pay my final “dues” to leave.

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  10. Thank you for your courage in telling your story. At the very least it should be a warning for people to think twice before considering psychiatry, etc. as an answer to their problems/issues and to think twice before taking any of these psychiatric drugs. And this, of course, includes the youngest and the oldest of us. Please take care. Thank you.

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    • Rebel,
      I agree, my story is a cautionary tale. I hope some people will think twice before being labeled, and before considering psychiatry. its the biggest scam I have run into in my life because they claim to care and have compassion for its customers yet, I don’t see it.

      Even the kindest provider has to agree with the status quo of what keeps this broken wheel turning.

      *They* forgot to teach love when they invented psychiatry… so its about money, toxic positivity and an illusion that someone cares.

      “Even suffering when wrapped in love, seems tolerable.” – Bangambiki Habyarimana

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      • I agree, Lisa. My story is also a cautionary tale. All I can do is make comments on this website, the antipsychiatry sub Reddit, maybe someone who’s not in too deep yet will hear it but I know there is nothing left for me. My family has been gone a long time, my adult son disowned me, I’ve been disabled for 15 years because of psychiatry. I’ve been alone as long as I can remember and I just get sicker and weaker as the years go by. I lost everyone in my life. I was told the problem was my anger (how I responded to abuse), too often suicidal (how I expressed undiagnosed akathisia) and too hopeless (I don’t know who wouldn’t be) My last attempt at achieving some kind of feeling of safety or belonging was to move to Western Massachusetts for a peer recovery Network. I was an outcast and a burden there as well. I was told that I need to “hold space for people who feel that the medications help them”. I guess what did I expect. They are funded by the state. I just hope, if there is a higher power, they see that I’ve suffered long enough. I was never a saint but there’s no way in hell I deserved all of what happened.

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        • Dear Katel,
          I am so sorry that you have been through so much too. I am sorry that your adult son does not want to be in his life. He sure is missing out, because you have a lot to offer the world. I can see that in some of the comments you make on this website. I can almost feel the compassion.

          I hope some day he makes his own way and realizes that these medications changed who we were and damaged our central nervous systems, which run our whole body.

          I am sorry you too have been so sick because of psychiatry….psychiatry prey’s on the weak and kicks us when we are down. What kind of monsters want to be a part of that organization? GRRRR

          I too went to another state and met a bunch of wonderful beautiful people that were part of a big movement of anti-psychiatry and peer support. I quickly learned that… that too was run by the state. *They* set up these beautiful people in what I would call a trap. Like you mention, the people were inadvertently pushing meds and then they’d trigger each other and create another need for more diagnosis’s, treatments, medications, etc. Even though I was only there a short time, it seemed like they were re-creating what they supposedly stood against. Reminded me of the book, “Animal Farm” by: George Orwell and I left.

          Here is a quick summery of the book if you haven’t read it:

          No, you didn’t deserve what happened to you and you do not deserve what is happening now. I hope you find “your people”, you deserve that. You deserve to be heard, to be loved and cared for.

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  11. Hi Lisa. It’s really sad when we see only an exit as a way out.
    And no one really wants to die. That is the thing. YET, we all do die,
    even those asses who corral unsuspecting victims into the pigslop called
    psychiatry, which I might mention, the greater medical community and
    much of the public is so culted.
    It’s how people are. It’s not even beliefs. Even the worst shrink
    I think sees the folly of his thinking or adherence. He simply needs
    a job.
    But what a crap life to have, to go around making people think
    they are damaged and then to further manipulate and actually hurt them.
    It’s absolutely disgusting.

    We keep thinking that mankind became more advanced. Nothing could be further
    from the truth.
    And it will never change. Life is simply needing a lot of luck.

    They should be ashamed that you are at the point you are, but shame is
    something that they were lucky enough to escape. Honesty is not something
    that community thrives on.

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    • Dear Sam,
      For me a speedy exit is truly the only way out. I agree with you, no one really wants to die, yet we are all headed in that direction. My only hope for myself is that I can have some autonomy and peace, finally after decades of suffering at the hands of that pigslop called psychiatry as you so eloquently called it.

      So sad that we as a society have put “jobs” before human life. Some of the people working in psychiatry are “kind and nice”, and simply feel they need the job… to keep everything moving. People buying stuff… like homes, and cars, and on it goes.

      In my opinion psychiatry is the worst pigslop out there because they prey on vulnerable and weak and then offer the hope for human connection in the form of codes for treatments, psychotherapy, and drugs. Human beings that really just need a tribe, friendships and love and instead they label them, process them, drug them… similar to a slab of meat.

      These people, the vulnerable have value to this broken system as they are using their own money or insurance for hope… to feed and clothe the very people that are abusing them. What kind of fuckery is that?

      The only value a “damaged by psych, psych patient” has is more treatments they can buy into. The only answer we as a society have is to seek out more psych for ones with psych damage.

      Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot of “snake oil” out there too. Supplements, all natural treatments and fancy rehabs, and they are wolves in sheep clothing also trying to make a buck off the hurt. Somehow society has been taught that it’s okay to hurt people along the way as long as we smile and show we “care”.

      “Freebird” (by: Lynyrd Skynyrd)

      “If I leave here tomorrow
      Would you still remember me?
      For I must be traveling on now
      ‘Cause there’s too many places I’ve got to see.

      But if I stayed here with you, girl,
      Things just couldn’t be the same.
      ‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now,
      And this bird you cannot change.
      And this bird you cannot change.
      And this bird you cannot change.
      Lord knows I can’t change.”

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  12. Though much of your story sounds familiar, I think you had it a lot worse than me. I must comment on a phrase you used “friend prostitute.” When I was going to Day treatment we had many discussions, different groups, different people, different situations. It was before they got it “organized” so you didn’t have free time to have discussions freely. Once I told the director, who happened to also be my therapist, that sometimes I felt like he was in a position of prostitution – I was having to pay for a service that I should have had in my normal life but didn’t. Someone to talk to, a friend that accepted me unconditionally. This is the first time I’ve seen someone else feel that.
    I hope for you. I wish for you. It’s a heavy load. For years I’ve wondered where the feelings from the heart go. They seem sometimes to be like waves going out from my heart. I don’t know where you are but I don’t think my heart has to know that. It just sends love. Hazel Gay

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    • Dear Hazel Gay,
      Thank you for responding. I appreciate being understood and validated. I am sorry you have felt this too.

      I feel some shame attached to my need for a “friend prostitute”. I figured that there must be something terribly wrong with me that I need someone to be getting paid to “care”.

      There have been a lot hours, days, weeks, months and years that my insurance paid for me to have a “friend prostitute”. I was sold on the idea and it only caused further harm. Not just the “appointments”, the insurance money, also about my actual friends. They too have been victims of soft mind control.

      If they saw I was especially upset about a new terrible life event, they’d ask me if I have an appointment coming up. Society has been sold a bunch of bullshit in my opinion. For our own friends to have learned not to be a friend so that their friend that is suffering can go talk to a “professional”, a “friend prostitute”. The rules for these clinicians are set up to be unnatural and accepted by society. The clinicians can not to invite “a client” to their home for dinner or come to their “clients” house after they have been raped to make sure no one is lurking in their closets and just be with that person. Instead its “sterilized relationships”, and sadly looked at as if it’s “normal”.

      This is not a refection on how to build relationships, it causes even more separation and more harm. I hope more people recognize the harm and start building “their tribe”.

      “Tell your story.
      Shout it. Write it.
      Whisper it if you have to.
      But tell it.
      Some won’t understand it.
      Some will outright reject it.
      But many will
      thank you for it.
      And then the most
      magical thing will happen.
      One by one, voices will start
      whispering, ‘Me, too.’
      And your tribe will gather.
      And you will never
      feel alone again.”
      ― L.R. Knost

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